9 is the new 14

When M was born she was perfect. I know every mom says that about their kids but seriously, M was actually perfect. She slept through the night 3 days after she was born. She was and still is a great, healthy eater. M was polite and smart and never really got into trouble. She never colored on walls, or cut her own hair. She never threw fits or tantrums to get her way. She was always happy and smiling. She was, and still can be, so compassionate, she would cry at the thought of a lost dog or want to help anyone she thought might be a little sad. She was that little ego boost. You know, the one that makes you say “Damn, I am good at this parenting thing!” I mean, realistically I knew it was all her, but I figured I had to have something to do with it.

Then she turned 9. All of the sudden, I am the bad guy no matter what I do. She gives the evil eye better then I ever could and she talks back like it’s her job. And I know it kinda is her job to be a royal pain in the ass but seriously, 9??!!! She’s too young for this. Not yet. I was supposed to have at least 2 more years of my loving little girl before she was replaced by the possessed pre-teen demon that would make the girl from The Exorcist look like a fun option. Don’t get me wrong,  I am not naive. I knew this day was coming. But 9 is young. It’s not even double digits!! When the doctor said the words “early puberty” I thought my husband’s head was going to explode. How could our sweet, loving, little girl be ready for THAT??!!! I know I’m certainly not!

I have to say in all of it I am glad she hasn’t totally converted yet. She still believes Justin Bieber is lame, dating is “totes gross” and as long as I hold the password to the itunes account, I am still OK (sometimes). It makes me sad to know I am losing her this early. It also makes me want to call my own mother on a sometimes hourly basis and apologize for being such an amazing jerk when I was a kid. Seriously, I was a bitch. I was stupid and awful and I really have a lot of respect for my mom for not killing me in my sleep when I was that age. I would never actually hurt my kid, but the locking her in a tower idea doesn’t sound as bad as it used to. Part of me is wishfully thinking that early puberty means that maybe she will outgrow all this talking back, smart ass crap before she gets to high school,  but I’m pretty sure that’s just me being delusional.

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