The following services are not covered:

Health services and associated expenses for infertility treatments including:

●  In vitro fertilization

●  Artificial insemination

●  Embryo transport; and

●  Donor ovum and semen and related costs including collection, preparation and storage of.

I’m not infertile.  Please see I STILL HAVE A UTERUS for more information about my oven.  Every time I call my insurance company, every time I look at the information from the doctor, every time I go to HR to ask my millions of questions, I want to scream I’M NOT FUCKING INFERTILE.

Infertility primarily refers to the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception.  Infertility may also refer to the state of a woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term.

There is nothing biologically wrong with me.  I am not unable to have babies.  I simply need medical assistance obtaining our baby juice, per the reputable sperm bank we are using.  Can there not be a baby juice specialist?  Can there not be a way this wasn’t going to cost a million dollars?

The OB/GYN we went to see offered to refer us ‘medically’ to a fertility specialist.  Some insurance companies will pay if there is a referral, unfortunately, not mine.

I have good insurance.  I don’t pay much out-of-pocket.  My deductibles are high, but my company pays into a personal wellness account for me and it rolls over year to year.  I don’t have any extraordinary medical expenses, except of course, my addiction to eye glasses and my back pain that my chiropractor snaps away for me.

We’ve sweet talked our way into some loopholes.

Virginia and I have separate insurance, because we work at the same place we each pay $20 a month for our benefits.  For us to be on the same plan we’d pay $100 a month, which one day might benefit us to only have one deductible to have to get through, but for now it doesn’t equal out.

That said, there’s not really anything that ties us together as a couple, in the HR/insurance world.  Obviously we’re not married.  We can’t file our taxes together.  We share a house and a lease, but a lot of people do that.

The sweet country girl who answered the phone when we called was so thrown when I started talking about my domestic partner that she, in recorded conversation, told us it would be fine to use each other’s Personal Wellness Accounts for baby making expenses.  Which is awesome!  Because Virginia doesn’t have an addiction to Rx eyeglasses or back pain and that girl has a lot more money on her magic card than I do.

Some day, I hope in my life,  gays will have doctors to order their baby juice and won’t be put into this place where I have to go about saying I’m infertile.  I don’t think that’s good for the psyche when you’re trying to put a baby in you.  Some day, gays will be able to jointly file taxes.  Some day, we’ll be able to get married.

Some day it won’t be such a process to do things the right way and the safe way.  So many people’s reaction to all of this is along the lines of can’t you guys just find a friend to donate or hook up with someone?  NO.  no.  The legal repercussions of taking the easy way can be far worse than dealing with this all up front, I’ve read the horror stories.

Some day.