Thoughts From A Mom Of All Boys…

I have two, beautiful, funny, loving, freaking insane little boys.  They are my whole world. My oldest is just like his father: really laid back, easily made to laugh, a daredevil, and tough as nails.  My youngest is just like me: super cautious, very snuggly, sensitive, and can be very silly.  I can’t put into words how much I LOVE them both with every part of everything that I am.

Living in a house full of boys is….well, it’s crazy.  They are nonstop.  I literally take them out and exercise them just like I do my dog. They are boys.  They need to run. Often, they feel the need to run naked…we try to save that fun for inside the house.  Today my youngest decided to pee a beautiful design onto the carpet in our playroom.  He was very proud to show off his artwork and absolutely devastated to discover that I was not impressed.  Both of my boys are totally obsessed with all things poop, pee, butt, etc and honestly it’s hard not to laugh at all of their antics.  Yet underneath all of this boy weirdness there are these sweet little men who love to wrap their tiny arms around me and tell me that they love me, or exclaim “OH Mommy!! I love youw pwitty, pwitty, pwitty, pwitty dwess!” (Even though I’m just wearing a long t-shirt and sweatpants.)  They like to brush my hair, snuggle on the couch, draw me pictures, play dress-up…I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

My first pregnancy was not easy to conceive and through that experience we learned just how precious and miraculous a baby really is.  People were excited for us when they found out we were having a boy the first time around.  The second time around was a totally different story.  So many people, including family, were disappointed.  Flat out bummed to hear our news.  “Oh. We were hoping for a girl.” Really? So no congratulations on this healthy miracle we created? Thanks.  Before I even gave birth people were asking me when I was going to try for that girl.  The blatant disappointment from others was devastating and we learned a lot from it. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional.  But I will never forget how it made me feel. 

Don’t get me wrong; there was definitely a time when I wanted a girl.  But listening to so many people react negatively to the fact that I was having a second boy made me very defensive of these precious little men.  I’m sure it wasn’t meant to hurt us, but it made me feel like my son wasn’t good enough somehow for everyone, and my mommy hackles have been up on the subject ever since.

The comments about the fact that I don’t have a girl are constant.  “Are you going to try for a girl?” “Your boys are soooo beautiful, you just HAVE to have a girl.” “Don’t you want a girl?”  “Maybe next time you’ll get YOUR girl.”  What drives me crazy is that these things are said in front of my boys.  They can hear you!  How do you think that makes them feel?  I don’t ever want my children to think that they are somehow a disappointment to me because they are boys.  Yet every time someone says something like that to me that is exactly the message they are sending to my boys.  I feel such a statement undermines the amazing relationship that we have.

It is no secret that we want to have more children.  It seems impossible for people to understand that we want more children just because we want more—not to have a specific gender.  If I am able to have three healthy boys I will be in heaven.  If I have two healthy boys, and one healthy girl, I will be in heaven. But lets be honest, in MY mind, wanting to have a girl, or a boy, is not a good reason to add another person to your family.  And implying that this is the reason we would have more is incredibly insulting to me as a mother.

We were blessed with a third pregnancy last spring.  From the moment I found out that I was pregnant, the girl comments began.  I was adamant about letting people know that all I wanted was a healthy baby.  Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and I cannot tell you how thankful I am that all I ever prayed for was a healthy baby.  With a miscarriage there are always a million “what ifs” rolling around in your brain afterward and I am so thankful that I do not have to wonder, “What if I was carrying another healthy boy and I lost him because I had been praying for a girl?”  Or vice versa.

I know that the people who say these things have the best of intentions.  I know it is not meant to be hurtful or mean.  I get it.  I honestly feel like everyone should have a son, so I totally understand.  But I keep that to myself.  Maybe these are just girl moms who want everyone to have that experience?  I wonder if people say the same thing to them about how they should have a boy?  I just wish that people would stop and think about how saying something like that might make a negative impression on my boys. I’m sure most people don’t ever even think that these kinds of comments can be hurtful. It’s not my intention to make anyone feel bad who may have said something like this to us.  I just felt the need to provide a different perspective.

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One comment

  1. Marie Wride

    When Adam and I had our first two children, who happened to be a boy and girl, we got so many comments to the effect of “Oh, you’re so lucky. Now you can stop.” We always knew we wanted more children. Now that we have 4, I get lots of pity looks in the grocery store or comments about how brave I am to take them all with me. They are great kids, and I love having them with me. I don’t mind fielding the comments but wanted to echo what you said. Hurrah for babies, no matter the gender.

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