Alternately titled: Get The Stink-Eye At Kroger, Guaranteed!

This is by no means a complete list, but here are some of the nicknames that fly out of my mouth when I refer to my child. I love him whole-heartedly, and I hope that he will forgive me for having some of THE WORST nicknames ever for him.

– Buttface McGillicuddy

-Fartmouth

-Fartbutt

-Fartface

-Stinky Cheeze-it

-Monsterface

-Monsterbutt

-Captain Stinky

– Fatty Boombalatty

-Captain Weinerbutt

Clearly, I will have to come up with some sort of appropriate nickname before he starts understanding what “Captain Weinerbutt” might mean in the real world.

If you need me, I’ll be over here polishing my “World’s Worst Parent” trophy.