Guest Post: I Won’t Apologize For Being Assaulted
Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault discussed frankly
Today’s guest post comes from the awesome Beth – “a recovering scenster 30something stay at home wife and mom. I listen to the Descendents from the comfort of my suburban home while cooking barefoot and pregnant to Bikini Kills Rebel Girl. I may not have it all figured out but im constsntly searching for a balance.”
According to sexual assault statistics, “One in four college-age women report surviving rape or attempted rape since their fourteenth birthday.” This is a pretty well known fact and probably won’t come to any surprise as I’m sure you, a girlfriend/boyfriend, ex, sibling, parent, child, teacher, babysitter, or neighbor in your life has been a victim. What might surprise you is how sexual assault can really inconvenience other people. No, seriously. I mean, what a total bummer to have to know that a friend of yours was manhandled by someone else – it just makes you feel bad, ya know? Or what a total drag to be friends with that certain someone who has been accused of this, I mean… jeez. Give you a break right? It’s not like they did it to you. You weren’t even there and I could totally be lying.
Wait. What? Let me go back…
I totally bum people out because I happened to have been sexually assaulted by the singer of a band they like. Like REALLY like. I know, I know. I should have tried harder for a band just begging to be rejected and ridiculed so it wouldn’t ruin your iPod rotation but hey, then again, it really wasn’t my choice. But man, what a total inconvenience to poor you to know something bad about a band you love. Just ignore the facts, I mean it WAS a long time ago. It’s not like I can still remember I was wearing cargo camo shorts and a v-neck white Hanes t-shirt… an outfit TOTALLY putting off do-me vibes with my freshly shaved head and not shaved legs and…wait. Hmmm.
Did you know I also make people feel awkward because I will openly post about my assault on Instagram or Facebook wherever I see mention of this band by “friends?” I mean…that must be really uncomfortable for them…me invading their personal space like that. Like the kind of invasion if someone were to pin them against a wall by shoving their hands down their pants from both the front and the back while pressing their entire body weight against 16-year-old, 90 lb. them as they cry and try to fight them off. No, no wait, it’s probably not like that but still. What a buzzkill. I mean, I should just learn to keep my mouth shut. I didn’t press charges so like…what right do I have STILL bringing it up? I’m sure he’s changed and moved on in life. I hear he’s a GREAT guy.
You know, it’s funny because…well, no it’s not. It’s not funny. It’s sad. It’s sad because there was a time in my life when I felt completely comfortable to confront a complete stranger, in person, wearing THIS BAND’s shirt or patch. I would tap them on the shoulder, look them in the eye and say “Hi, my name is Beth and the singer of THAT SHITTY NY PUNK BAND WITH SHITTY LARGE HAIR AND BONDAGE PANTS sexually assaulted me when I was 16. You may have heard rumors of him doing that before but from here on out you can never say you didn’t meet a victim and have the chance to hear their story.” Sometimes they’d want the details, sometimes they even admitted they had heard it about him before. The one amazing thing all of these complete strangers had in common was that they BELIEVED ME. They felt compelled to talk, cry, relate, or brainstorm. Like this was a totally fucked up thing that happened and we were not gonna sit by and take it anymore. In the end, 100% of the people I talked to removed the shirt/ patch/ pin/ etc of the band. One boy even took his shirt off and heaved it into a fire. All really small gestures to you, but to me it felt really empowering to tell my story. To have someone, through actions, say, “Yeah man. I’m on YOUR side.” “You can only be a victim if you admit defeat,” were words I lived by. These random faces gave me strength by standing behind me and… Yes, yes, true, we were younger then. Young, naive, full of energy, and allowances, so much more passionate about rights and wrongs and doing good. Plus, we totally weren’t in the middle of a beer with our friends and you know, I wasn’t “killing the vibe.” Or the shirt wasn’t “vintage,” and patches weren’t reaaally hard to come by. I mean that could totally be from their first tour – that’s worth SOMETHING. Barf.
So, ya know… now it’s been roughly 16 years since I was assaulted and that past will never change. I’m now a wife, a mother, a homeowner, a business owner, and yes still… I’m all of those things PLUS the girl that J___CoolBandLastName assaulted. In the many, many years that have passed, my need to speak about that night has never changed. Where once I traveled to fests far and wide and stood proud in my Bikini Kill shirts and screamed “Here I am, this happened.” I am now just a stay-at-home mom who finds time to look at Instagram between diaper changes and feels the need to leave a comment, “Oh, hey, that guy in that picture took away all sexual desires for 10 years by assaulting me, underage, at a friend’s house. He’s the reason I didn’t have healthy sexual relationships til my mid-20s. Oh and you look great, btw! xoxo bff ttyl. Cute kids! #hashtag #hashtag.” I dont have the time or sitter money to go out and yell anymore, but I still feel my own self-satisfaction because I won’t sit down and I won’t shut up.
In this time where the internet has made opinions widely available to the masses, I still feel like that one comment could reach 1,000 stranger eyes all from the comfort of my couch. While that’s a pretty far stretch of activism from the former life of ACTUALLY meeting people, where things REALLY changed were not my story/approach but the reactions. As we get older and nostalgia sets in, we reminisce about those old bands that got us here. We want to sing along and get sitters for weeknight shows because, dammit, we’re still young! And maybe some of us are still touring and we wouldn’t want to burn any bridges with bands we might get to play with… or maybe we are bar buddies with certain bands at far away fests and ya know.. might need a favor from them one day. Or book them to headline local friends’ fests in RVA because… I mean…they DO still draw a crowd. Yeah, sure, I get it. You’re lazy too. I expect a big reaction from you by only putting out a tiny tidbit of absolutely torturous information about my vulnerability and underage sexual experiences. But no, no, no. You’re right. Maybe if I marched in a parade, you’d at least “like” my photo but asking you to confront a friend or possibly not put other women in danger by bringing him around or NOT BUYING HIM BEERS AS IF HIS PRESENCE IN THIS TOWN WARRANTS CELEBRATION. I…ugh. I’m tired too. Maybe we’re just too old to give a shit anymore. If only there were a way to repost meaningless online articles for masses to see by clicking one button that in turn puts an unheard story out for millions of new eyes to read from the comfort of a computer chair. Then and only then might I get a little support but… wait no, no. It’s still just he said-she said. And really… what if it got back to him? It might make a situation awkward. Awkward like having someone shove the back of your head at their crotch while trying to explain, “It’s just a little 1,2,3 you can do it,” while you put all your strength in your arms to steady your weight and almost bite through your tongue trying to ensure your mouth is locked… Oh no. No, wait….
Well, guess what everyone. Here I sit during nap time, comfortable in bed, laptop open, protesting in my own half-assed way as your friend. Or maybe I WAS your friend before I moved out of the city to start a family. Maybe I was only ever just your bartender, waitress, checkout girl, seamstress, childcare provider, ex-girlfriend, show promoter, charity worker, show goer, or even just the girl in the bar seat next to you. But here’s who else I am: I am the survivor of a sexual assault at the age of 16 by a man more than 10 years older than me. This man cornered me in a room and tried to force me to perform sexual acts on him, stating he would tell everyone in the van I did it anyway so I might as well. When I fled the room, he chased me down the hall, pinning me against a wall and shoving his hands down every orifice he could find while shoving his mouth over mine to prevent my muffled screams and tears from being heard. When I eventually broke free, I locked myself in an abandoned room until friends came to me. I slept in that room only to be disturbed once by a band member who simply knocked on the door and said, “You don’t have to open the door, just listen. You don’t even have to tell me what happened because I already know and I’m really sorry.” And I’m not sorry if YOU CAN’T HANDLE THAT.
When I came out that next morning, 16 years ago, the band was gone, my wallet was stolen, and I was left a shirt by the band as if it were some sort of consolation prize. The irony of the band’s name, and me being a CASUALTY in my own right, was not lost on me. All these years later and every time I write those words, speak them, re-live them, I choke back vomit. I remember how The Singer smelled, tasted, his jagged rotten teeth, his worn leather skin, how the band argued about not cutting their hair because it was their statement, and mostly how utterly fucking helpless I felt. How scared, dirty, ashamed, used, rejected, confused, alone, and ruined I felt. I feel all those emotions when my friends play shows and fests with this man. When they put their arms around him at bars, when they defend him. Hell, I feel all this just because he simply still breathes. Through my travels, I met other girls and heard their stories and know that no justice has ever been served. Not legally, not musically, not even a small road bump in his band or his shitty pathetic life. And now… now I’m at fault for telling my story again I’m sure because man…you already bought those show tickets and they WERE $30.00 and you don’t want that going to waste. Yeah, I get it. I told. I’m the bad guy.
Well, fuck you Jorge. Fuck you and your shitty band. I don’t want to be your victim or storyteller. I want to be the wife of my husband and mother of my son without ever wearing your memory. But I can’t. What I can do is raise a man who respects women and their boundaries, but even then your shitty legacy will live on behind the reasons and examples I lay out for my son. I’m not your victim, asshole. I’m your survivor. And this is my story and if it makes you, friend, uncomfortable, well then at least we share some common feelings for once. Ya know…”I’m so sorry if I’m alienating some of you, your whole fucking culture alienates me.”
MOD NOTE: Thanks for all the support!! We’re happy we could give Beth a space to share her story. We love how quickly this story has spread, and hope it’s making an impact.
That being said, this is a tiny blog run by a group of friends in our spare time. We’re not really equipped to handle all of this activity. I’m trying to monitor and approve comments as they come in, but I have to sleep and work, so some may take awhile. Please please please keep things civil, no threats of violence, that sort of thing, I want to let everyone (except for obvious trolls) say their piece.
And, as we hear from more people on other sites, please keep things cool elsewhere. It’s amazing to hear some of the actions people are taking – from simply sharing this to being inspired to admit their own assault. But, again, please don’t threaten violence or any sort of criminal act. We’re better than that, unlike the abusers and assaulters of this world, we can actually use our minds to make a difference.
Thank you again!!
-The Damn Pants Team
Put Your Damn Pants On! 
I have no insightful words of wisdom. There’s nothing I can say to ease the pain, fear, hate and anger that you continue to feel, and rightfully so!!! But I wanted to comment and say that your story has not gone unread. Thank you for being brave enough to hit the publish button.
Same here. Let’s, for once, not forget the importance of acknowledging every survivor’s strength. And FUCK ALL those so-called anti-system punk bands that….well, we now know what they actually are. Fucking filthy misogynists.
Yes, because broad generalizations are productive. Don’t let one dumb dipshit paint the whole scene.
fneka, please refrain from ignorant generalizations. Thanks.
I’m one of those “anti system punks” and the furthest thing from a misogynist.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am not surprised to discover this as he made lewd comments to me as a teenager that made me uncomfortable. I will encourage friends’ bands not to play with them.
The number of women who are starting to come out with their stories of Jorge is growing daily. If you would like to contribute any part of your interactions with him in a follow up blog or possible website, anonymously, please feel free to email JorgeAssaultedMe@gmail.com and thank you again for reading this and sharing the story with your friends in bands.
So brave and so sorry this happened to you. I will continue to pray for your strength and healing. I pray this man will confess to what he has done and never does it again. I really hope I don’t support this unnamed band.
Uhhh, you should be able to infer the band name from her story. I hope you don’t support them either cause they fucking suck. Fashion punk posers.
I personally know 3 other women with similar stories of Jorge. The Casualties suck and he’s a douche. I’m so sorry that this happened to you and if I ever see him in person again I’ll head butt him and kick him while he’s down. Punk.
If you would feel comfortable reaching out to those 3 women and forwarding them an email address we are going to try to collect all the stories into either a follow up blog post or possibly even host our own domain. They can write us anonymously and neither their names or email will be released to anyone. Thank you for reading my story.
email JorgeAssaultedMe@gmail.com
http://www.punknews.org/article/29597/dominic-davi-talks-about-last-years-rape-accusation
Wow the whole band sounds like a bunch of awesome people. Im so sorry this happened to you and i know how it feels to have your friends know that someone has done this to you, and still befriend the person. My own boyfriend at the time wouldn’t cut him out of his circle until i flipped my shit over it. Its sad people have become so desensitized about rape and assault and i hope that douche canoe over doses on heroin tomorrow. I ended up cutting everyone out of my life still associated with this person because if they know this happened and dont care, then they dont care about my safety or the safety of other women around him.
I just want to let you know that this blog post speaks to me deeply. I too have been sexually assaulted on a number of occasions, but whenever I speak about it, I get the feeling that I am making everyone else “uncomfortable” and I need to stop “whining” about my bullshit, my problems, my “poor-me” story. Indeed, to this day I feel guilty speaking out, because I don’t want to ruin anyone’s good time. For what it’s worth, I’m a PhD and professional feminist who should know better–who does know better–and yet it is still so deeply ingrained in me to shut up and play nice that I never feel free to speak about what happened to me. Even still, even with everything I know, I also can’t shake the feeling that if I wasn’t such a slut and didn’t put myself into slutty situations then none of this would have happened.
Thank you for writing this. I see you. I’m with you. I am on your side.
By reposting this story, I found out that this also happened to a girl in my town. No words can express how horrible this is, but much respect to you for having the guys to speak out on it. Fuck this guy, and his band, and every “friend”, promoter, and fan who knows about this shit and does nothing. Keeping quiet only allows it to happen to another girl. Thank you for sharing; hopefully others will do the same, until this band is barred from ever playing a show again.
Thanks for reading and sharing this story. Its sickening how many of us there are who have stories to tell about this one man. If you would feel comfortable please encourage your friend to email me at jorgeassaultedme@gmail.com where we can share these stories and possibly put together another blog, web page, or brainstorm how we can all take this man down. No one will see her name or email and she can remain as anonymous as shed like.
Amazing. I love your strength. Never back down!
Good for you. You’ll NEVER forget it and don’t EVER apologize… Ever. A lot of guys got away w/it. I blamed myself for years…guess what, no is NO.
Wow…just…wow. I’m a huge fan and supporter of the “friends” who brought him to their fest, and go out of my way to hit every show I can…but I am also a Mother and a wife and I have people counting on me. It takes a LOT to get me to pass up a chance to see my favorite band, but I can honestly say…I’m thinkin’ if they have these guys open, or at the Q again, then maybe I might have to sit it out. After all, going somewhere that hosts a known rapist isn’t exactly responsible of me, the promise I make my family that I’ll always come home safe and all. I never liked them in the first place, and the singer has a really sleazy vibe about him anyhow. Thanks for your courage. I’ll stand up and speak out about this slimeball, too.
i interviewed jorge in 1993? for a 9th grade school project about punk rock. it was after the casualties played a show at the beanery in CT. i asked him what his favorite part of being in a band was and he said (beyond inebriated and laughing) “i get to fuck as many underage girls as i can” (or something along those lines) it’s still creepy to this day. i hope that tape is in my parents basement somewhere.
I hope that tape exists too. If you ever dig it up and want to email us a copy at jorgeassaultedme@gmail.com im sure that sound bite could be put to good use along with complied stories. thank you for reading.
Punk rock is not a culture that openly empowers women. My experience was quite the opposite. Bullying and harassment by people that I thought would’ve had an open mind, but I was dead wrong. I’m much older now so hindsight is 20/20, but if there was one thing I could do over is to not ever be involved with that scene when I was young and impressionable. It wasted years of my youth away and nobody likes talking about it because punk gets some special free pass to do whatever it wants.
So thank you for opening the dialogue about it. It needed to be said.
I find this statement…. “Punk rock is not a culture that openly empowers women” – to be an overwhelming relief to read. You’re right, and it’s weird, isn’t it?
Ditto. 15 years of my young life ill spent looking for acceptance and tolerance that I never found. Luckily I didn’t sacrifice my brains for gigs and still managed to get a Masters Degree and come out fairly unscathed. Fuck ‘scenes’- seriously. I thought it was important at one time, but I don’t need it anymore. Learning who I am and what I like without the boxed in constraints of what is, these days, a highly restrictive social world, has been oh so gratifying.
This is not punks fault! Do not take the blame off the horrible man who knowingly committed these acts! I’ve been assaulted and the told by my assaulter “this is just the world we choose live in” but it is not ! I did nt choose to be a skater, it is what my brothers taught me to do inorder to express energy. Have you never fucking heard of vice squad, bikini kill (mentioned above) lunachicks? All great bands featuring non sexulized women.
The punk sceen is not at fault. Your statement generalizes an entire group with many women and implies that if you get raped its because of the sceen you were involved in.
People need to respect boundries even if they do play angry music keep demanding respect and teach our youth to give and take respect. Do not limit how we express ourselves to “holesome” scenes because i can guarantee rape happenes there too.
Just so you know, not everybody in punk feels that way. I’m a cis-gendered white dude, but I recognize my privilege, and I fucking speak my mind when others ignore theirs. I am doing a folk punk project, and I do my best to ensure that every show I play does more than give lip service to equality.
Not to self promote, but… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYtI4d7JLXs
This is not punks fault! Do not take the blame off the horrible man who knowingly committed these acts! I’ve been assaulted and the told by my assaulter “this is just the world we choose live in” but it is not ! I did nt choose to be a skater, it is what my brothers taught me to do inorder to express energy. Have you never fucking heard of vice squad, bikini kill (mentioned above) lunachicks? All great bands featuring non sexulized women.
The punk sceen is not at fault. Your statement generalizes an entire group with many women and implies that if you get raped its because of the sceen you were involved in.
People need to respect boundries even if they do play angry music
No one’s blaming punk for rape. Just citing experiences they may have had that support a history of skewed gender views, despite the scene’s proclamations of celebrating equality. Just pointing out a glaring inconsistency with the scene’s aims and what often happens to girls who sought a place to feel safe.
Of course rape happens in other ‘scenes’ and in the ‘mainstream’, the point is that punk was supposed to symbolise an elightenment of sorts, an elevated way of treating people and responding to society. Why then does this mistreatment still persist.
Of course I’ve heard of Vice squad and Bikini kill. Unfortunately what bands say and what the ‘scene’ does are not always one and the same. A lot of vocal female punk musicians are dismissed as whining neurotic attention-seekers, and have little influence or power in the scene.
I know Beki Bondage well and used to play in an all-girl punk band myself before my music career turned to film scoring and orchestral writing and I ran out of free time.
Many women have spoken out against blatant sexism in the scene. People like Eve Libertine (Bronwyn) Deno from Dirt, Sian Jeffreys (Lost Cherrees), Vi Subversa, et al (I know these are all British ladies, but you brought up Beki so thought they were equally relevant) have all taken a big step away from the scene in general and turned into middle-class ‘earth mother’ types more interested in their art and kids than getting shitfaced and pandering to male sensibilities. Maybe that’s just age related, but I’ve read and heard accounts of being worn down by constantly having to compete with some pretty blatant gender imbalances. I know a lot of their bands ( Pauline Murray and PEnetration for example) have reformed to play larger festival gigs now, and other selected performances, but this is for nostlagia’s sake and to please fans, not quite the same as the “glory” days of decades past. I still wouldn’t say they were actively ‘part of the scene’.
While their music was/is vocally feminist, they faced constant struggles in being taken seriously, even in a scene that supposedly pushes for gender equality.
I can tell you first-hand that as a female musician (even in the punk scene) you have to run faster and jam harder and be 20x better than the average crap male band to be given the time of day. And then people still yell ‘show us your tits’ during your sets.
Give it another 10 years and you might understand where we’re coming from.
I’m bawling right now. Thank you so much for your bravery and inspiration, your strenth gives me so much strength to do what I need to do in my own experience of sexual assault. I can’t even thank you enough. Nothing has ever touched or inspired me the way you have. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Please know that sharing your story has made a huge impact in my life. We’re NOT their victims, we’re their fucking survivors. YES. I wish I could hug you right now.
Im hugging you back with my tearing up eyeballs. xoxo
I posted this on the Assholes FB page & I just noticed that they deleted it of course & have blocked me from posting on the page anymore…. I tried to get the word out…
i posted it too and same happened to me
Gotcha. I’ll post too. I suggest everyone else attempt posts too. Even if they keep deleting them, it gives people a small time window to see them.
That’s sickening. Throwing out the two shirts of theirs I got kicked down when I get home. This is the first I’d heard of this, but I’m not too surprised. Fuck that band, and fuck a bunch of rape apologists.
Fuck. I have never heard anything about this. Fuck. Some friends have just left on tour with them, including someone I feel deeply about, and I doubt they know. I will be making sure they do now. You brave, amazing woman. Much love. Thank you for writing this, and fuck this goddamn scene. I keep hearing more and more stories, and have similar experiences I have had to survive. When the fuck will people wake up.
thanks for posting the name- i’ll remember it next time i’m shopping for music, and make sure i’m not supporting them. fucking scum.
I wish we had known this years ago. Thanks for sharing and don’t ever feel that you can’t.
I believe you. Thank you for sharing this. Don’t let them grind you down.
I stand with you, sister, in full support and with total kinship. I know your pain. Thank you for your bravery.
i just tried to comment on the casualties facebook page about this and i was immediately banned from posting on the page.
Same here, best thing to do is to swamp them. People can choose whether they care or not that all the most recent comments mention rape.
If this is true .. maybe ppl should have instagrams of their merchandise burning and hashtag it to hell with the band name and allsorts including the email address and blog info..
Or maybe it’d be more wise for people to make official police complaints and have him the opportunity to legally defend himself and if guilty will hopefully go down for this extensive string of abuses.
WOW! As if I needed another reason to dislike this band! I am from NYC and know quite a lot of people who love this band since they have the local following. Going to make it a point to let anyone I know who digs this band about this disgusting occurrence. Kudos to you for speaking up! While reading stories like these are always difficult to digest, its still great in its own way to get the truth out. Much respect!
Thanks for this Beth. Everything you’ve said has hit home with me, I was sexually assaulted 4 years ago by someone highly “respected” in the UK tattoo scene. I escaped, called the police(who convinced me in my vulnerable state I was making it up and to avoid court at all costs) and as for his friends, they act like it never happened. When they mentioned it to him he said “oh shit” and they made light of it. It’s awkward bringing it up, as like you say, you feel a buzzkill. It’s heavy shit. But they’re not the ones with the image of disgusting body parts shoved in your face and the flooding fear of rape as he finally wins the fight to gets your pants off. I’ll be writing about my experience too. These people should not be allowed to live, party, be fucking PRAISED, when they dont have the capability to act like a fucking human. Hell…even animals don’t act like that. Grrrl power to you, oh and FUCK The Casualties. They will never be played again in my home. X
I’m so sorry…..I’m no longer a “Casualties” fan after reading this. I met him and I thought he was quite disgusting, just on a human level. But I went on digging their music, never judge a book is what I go by. But after reading this and my experience with/of him I really have little desire to listen or know about them anymore. I hope you continue to live/love your life the way you do now, it seems you deserve it.
I would just like to let you know that this story has ruined the Casualties for me forever and I couldn’t be happier about that. I’m willing to at least set up a Facebook page called Jorge assaulted me, and attempt to find others who would be willing to come forward in attempt to rid the world of this illiterate scumbag. Would anyone else like to contribute something like this? I am pretty sure with minimal effort legal charges could be brought against this disgrace to humanity.
Thank you for sharing. I have posted it on their page and been banned as many others have.
I’m not gonna let them go that easily.
You all might want to check out their Wikipedia page members section at the moment. My friend gave it a little updating.
They put a lock on their Wiki page!
Unfortunately it looks like whatever the edit was, was already changed back. They seem to have someone right on top of this for them.
Makes you wonder why they have “all ages shows”? Hope karma gets that Jorge …shame on the band for letting that happen…saw his pics..he looks like a real douche….everyone he assaulted should come together and charge him.
Thanks for this. Never stop telling your story. Be proud that you survived. Others may not want to hear it, but that’s just tough sh*t for them. Scream it in their ears. It will mean a lot to others who have survived. And the more the survivors speak up, we might be a tiny bit closer to realizing sexual assault is not a sex act, not a part of sexual discourse, but an act of violence.
Thank you for your bravery and thank you for not letting yourself remain a victim of this heinous act that plagues so many women. Never EVER stop raising your voice & the awareness needed to prevent this from ever happening again. I am so sorry so many must endure this…
Thank you for having the courage to post this. I have known more than a few people who have been assaulted sexually and the pain is palpable. I shared your story on fb listing his name. I had actually heard that he had stories like that surrounding him 14 years ago when I first saw them but it was secondhand and I stopped liking them once I discovered real punk anyways. I saw them less than a year ago for the chance to dance only (mouthing the horrible “riot through your school” during), but I will not support any concert that they are on the bill for again after reading such an account. Stay strong. Big hugs!
THANK YOU. Thank you. Don’t stop voicing your story – there are too many of us without the ability or the courage to do so.
Reblogged this on derek.kent.paul and commented:
sexual assault is not punk rock. like at all.
THANK YOU. Thank you. Please continue to speak. There are many of us that can’t or won’t speak against those in the punk community who hurt us. So deeply appreciated it.
One other thing to mention – don’t just focus on Jorge. This is a problem in punk – there’s a reason he hasn’t been held responsible (like the whole attitude that “he’s a fun guy” or “his band is awesome” or whatever the fucking excuse). Men in “powerful” positions in punk are given a pass. Absolutely hold Jorge responsible, but don’t lose that this is a cultural problem, not an individual problem.
This isn’t just a punk problem, it’s a problem everywhere. I see it in every scene. I was attacked by a group of locally known tattoo artists, every one of them from a different musical background. Nobody wanted to hear my cries for the same reasons. “Right, you were gang-raped by THOSE guys? Ppssshhh! Liar! You wish!” That’s what I was told over and over. Again… Not just punk scene.
Beth,
Thank you so much for sharing. I help run a DIY space that endeavors to be a safe space for EVERYONE in the punk scene, and I’ve let my coworkers know about this. We’ve all been in the scene for many years and heard the rumors, but til now, it was always easy to ignore, something that happened to the friend of a friend of a cousin of a groupie. Thank you for speaking up, and for making this real.
Seeing as we’re a pro-feminism, pro-consent, anti-misogyny, anti-assault, etc etc etc, space (don’t worry, trolls, we think the list of pronouns we have to use to be a safe space is pretty ridiculous, too), it seems unlikely that we’ll be allowing the Casualties, any of Herrera’s side projects, or any such affiliated acts play here in the near future. If anything good can be taken from this, please know that my coworkers and I will be using this information to talk to our patrons (especially the teenagers) about consent, idol worship, punk’s culture of misogyny, speaking up, and what we can do to create a more inclusive, supportive space where things like this will never, ever be tolerated, let alone ignored or swept under the rug.
Again: I’m so sorry that this happened to you. But I’m so glad that you’re speaking up about it.
I am extremely proud of you for speaking out about this…I know how hard it is to spit it out…Thank you!
A good way to hit this fool below the belt would be to contact one of their corporate sponsors about such behavior. I doubt scion would run the risk of advocating them had they such knowledge.
I just read your story and I must say it hit me pretty hard. This band played a large part in my formative years and while I’m not so much into the band anymore, I love the culture and I love the music that I was first introduced to by this band. That counts for something I guess but I am not reading or replying to this with any bias in their favor. You appear to be a well educated and easy going person from your other posts and to be honest this post sticks out like a sore thumb to me. I really really feel I must point out some stuff I’m having a real hard time swallowing and to be truthful I’m not even sure you’re aware of how it reads. This is the internet, do NOT forget that. I and many others certainly WANT with all their hearts to feel that you are legitimate in your claim. But it’s impossible to do so in good conscience the way you’re choosing to tell this story. As its written, people who want to believe this will and the people who don’t want to believe it won’t. This piece succeeds only in dividing and incriminating yet fails to encourage a need or desire for truth on the reader’s part. I’m not sure if that’s by design or by accident but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s by accident. To be blunt with you there’s too many ways for people to use bogus stories to convince gullible people that fiction is fact. In light of this undeniable truth about the internet, I feel you should revise your story if you hope (as I’m sure you do) for it to be taken seriously.
(1) Your article seems to demonize the culture of which the band is a part of. This, to me is propaganda 101. You’re effectively associating the culture with the crime. Your article at times not only implies but directly references Punk, specifically Street Punk culture as being related to the incident. This is extremely misleading and completely unnecessary to the statement you are trying to make. You are associating bondage pants and big hair with RAPE before you even get into the details of what happened. Again. Propaganda 101. A good contemporary example of this would be the American media portraying Osama Bin Laden and other Muslim extremists as Muslim norm. Completely different scenario yes, but the Same tactic.
(2) Your “anonymous stories” email. This will DESTROY your credibility. So you’re going to compile more anonymous stories from anonymous people who supposedly went through the same thing? That really sounded like a good idea to you at some point? What your basically implying is that Anonymously compiling information about an incident is a great way to get the truth out. By that logic Wikipedia is a reliable source of information. I’m sure you’ve already got a ton of emails and stories. How many are legitimate? Does it matter? Do you want to know? Personally the only thing I can think of that is worse than raping someone, is LYING about being raped for personal gain. Not saying this is you, I’m saying this could be and probably is some of the people replying to you.
(3) You seem to bring up your political ideals, musical taste and style of dress multiple times. You’re bringing up your culture/style CONSTANTLY. Quite frankly I think it detracts from your point and can be (and will be) seen as an alternate motive. Specifically in the way that it ties into the first point I made about your culture associations. Here you are rounding it off with the so called culture of the innocent. Your culture. Street punk raping feminism.
I sincerely apologize if I appear to be unsympathetic with you. I want to believe you, I really do. I’m not trying to make you feel bad and call you out on lying or making up stories or anything of that nature. I’m trying to help you. Please don’t mistake my intent. I’ve never met you. None of us have ever met you. You’ve never told this story to any of us in person. I never looked into your eyes and saw the raw emotion this story brings to them. I’ve never seen your tears. All I can do to judge your honesty and sincerity is read text. And at that level of intimacy how can this ever be more than just a story? How can you expect anyone to make up their minds just off that? How can anyone truthfully and more importantly UNBIASEDLY make up their minds just off that? Stay Strong
wait, did you just ask a victim to revise her story of how she was assaulted? are you serious? do you think she really cares if anyone UNBIASEDLY makes up their minds whether or not to hate the casualties or believe her? this isn’t being entered into evidence, it’s not a scholarly article. it’s one woman – a very strong, brave woman – sharing her story, her truth, in her own words.
Wow and here I was all bummed out that I wasn’t going to see them this week until I read this and damn how different I feel about him and the group. You are so brave to even post this up. Honestly I have a whole different view now. I’m taking the patches off I can’t support people like that. Your story was powerful.
Thank you for writing this. Fuck that guy and all the other asshole people like him. And THANK YOU for being articulate and on point. You rock.
i never liked this band and was forced to see them in the mid 90’s. i’m going to share this with my wife. i’m sure she likes the them but doesn’t know about this. good luck bringing this scum down!
I too am a survivor if sexual assault and I made it as far as a grand jury hearing before ultimately my case was dropped for “lack of evidence.”
In the aftermath since, in both the punk and metal communities, it’s been hard to stand strong in the boys club. I hate being percieved as “that broad that got mad” and by some people. However, I have also gotten an outpouring of support from people who help me stand up and against the man that raped, and almost killed me.
It’s hard being not only a survivor, but a friend, partner, and family member to a survivor. None or us signed up to become activists, but yet here we are. Just going to a large show where this guy can show up is act of rebellion, defiance, and honestly danger.
I support you, have shared your story, others have shared it and it’s making the rounds and sparking dialogue. Sometimes all we have left is our ability to NOT SHUT UP about what happened to us.
With much support from Portland.
Never sit down.
Never shut up.
None of your words are wasted.
Our daughters need you to keep fighting.
I always hated the casualties because I thought they were a shitty excuse for a punk band. Now I get to hate em double for an even better reason. Fuck them! Fuck them right in there shitty face.
I hope many speak up about him specifically. He needs to be banned. And if the band members stood by and watched and apologized for him, continued to tour with him, they are just as bad.
This band is playing in my area soon and I want to know what I can do to get their show canceled. They’re playing at reggies rock club on the 27th and I don’t know if contacting the club about it is going to do anything, or maybe if I can get everyone together to complain about it?
It is such bullshit that women have to put up with this. Fuck that band. They need to know what it’s like to have control taken from them. Not then they might know why most women never report it. It makes you feel so broken and useless. No one ever deserves to be made to feel like someone else’s toy. These people do not deserve life. In some countries rape carries a death sentence, and maybe a movement needs to start. Laws need to change. Then certain people need to die.
Beth, this is beautiful, not the story by any means, but your authenticity. Your willingness to just speak it as a human, not primp it up, make it shiny, or dull it down to make it comfortable. True power. Thank you for that.
i have known the band since day one. I booked their first show outside of New York. I have heard rumors before that turned out not to be true. Sometimes guys in bands who have achieved some level of success are targeted by girls they have a one night stand with. I am not saying this is your case. If this is true then my apologies, however if this is fabricated you may have just destroyed someones life. Since Jorge is not here to defend himself then someone needs to. All i am asking is to not just listen to one side, what if this is fake? People read this and make their minds up before hearing what he has to say. This is not fair.
Are you for real? This is exactly what the article is talking about, did you not read it? The fact that you put on some of their first shows and like them makes this inconvenient for you, so your first mode of action is to call in to question the account of a grown up woman who was sexually assaulted as a little girl? Wow.
After posting this link on my wall two unconnected friends, from opposite ends of the country recounted their own years old stories of similar things happening to friends of theirs. Sure, maybe my friend’s teenage show going pal was lying about “forced oral” in their tour van. And you know, why did she go in the tour van in the first place if she didn’t want to suck some dick, right?
You’re totally right! This is all a witch hunt to take down the very important the Casualties. Every girl who is making these stories up has so much to gain from ruining this very important man’s life! How very inconvenient for you!
Your attitude is what’s wrong with punk rock. It’s good to see years in “the scene” have taught you nothing. “This is not fair”? I couldn’t agree more.
He was given the chance to say what he has to say about this when the first few people posted this on their facebook page.
When this article was first posted to them, it was without any commentary. Instead of taking their chance to make a statement they chose to delete comments and block people, then they closed their comment-section and they continue to delte, delete, delte and promote their shows.
What happened to Beth, is not fair!
Innocent till proven guilty. no way am i going to judge someone by something ive read on the internet. If these rumours are true i would love to be at the front of the queue to give him a kicking. the comments ive been reading on facebook by people whove heard this rumour are disgusting. People shouldnt make this minds up about someone just by reading something on the internet
He’s been proven guilty by the fact that numerous, unconnected women have come out to say that this has happened to them, too. Do you really think this is a grand scheme to bring down the almighty Casualties? Can you actually be that naive.
Innocent til proven guilty? It’s good to see that the “fuck the system” rhetoric only applies to aesthetics and lifestyle, but when someone’s personal accountability and decency comes into play, it’s the same old shit as the rest of society. Disgusting.
perhaps instead of having someone monitor their social media to delete any mention of this blog post the second it’s posted, someone post a statement from the band and/or jorge. because more women with similar stories are coming out of the woodwork and the band/jorge remain silent. in many cases, that comes across as guilt.
When there’s a known gear thief in the midst of your scene, do you wait for the thief to come forward and tell their side of the story? Maybe the band accusing them just lost their own bass and amps. Maybe the thief didn’t know not to take their stuff. Maybe the thief is a really good dude, and just wanted to try the bass, just a little bit. They just forget to ask, when they were breaking in to the van.
No. So why do we feel this preposterous need to never, ever believe the assault victim when THEY speak up? Jorge has had, even without this post, nearly 15 years to come forward and make some sort of statement to ANY of the people who have been making tiny waves that hey, something went down and it wasn’t good. He’s never said a word. There’s been no response to THIS claim, either – posts to their FB wall get deleted, questions go unanswered. Not even a “hey guys, we know about this, we’re working on a statement.” They just keep trying to bury it. If it didn’t happen, or didn’t happen just like this, why not say something? Why NOT defend yourself?
Wow. Thank you, thank you so much! Thank you for talking about this and I am sorry you went through all of…
I am the father of a one year old, a loving husband, and a survivor of a sexual assault that happened after as a teenager after a show as well. It wasn’t a band member, but I thought I was “safe” in a culture that was “punk rock/anti establishment.” I wasn’t safe, and the scene wasn’t “punk rock”…
If I ever see your attacker in a bar, at a festival, or around my town I will hire a sitter… I will go out as the old foggy I am, and I will throw my fist in the air with my elbows flying high (really REALLY HIGH) to show my disapproval with this ego driven, glory hound, conquerer/rapist bullshit and I will let loose. While he’s collecting his teeth off the floor I’ll tell him a story I heard that happened to take place 16 years ago,
I’m shaking after reading this. I’m dreading sharing it on my wall as I have to sign off on my comment and people will read it, but whatever, your story needs to be heard…
Take care of your little one. Raise him to be a true punk, a true anti authoritarian, and focus on the beauty of this new little person that came into your life!!!
It doesn’t matter how popular the band is or how much they’ve “done for the scene” rape is an inexcusable crime. I posted a link to this page on their facebook wall and was immediately blocked. People are spreading the word. Your story will not go unheard