It’s awful. Shallow. Frustrating. Overwhelming. There are so many things to think about. There are a few things we knew, absolutely knew, when we started looking at donors. Unfortunately, there are about a million ‘qualifiers’ that we didn’t even know we’d have to filter through.
You start the search and you think, “cool, this is going to be so much fun.”. It’s not. First you have to have to decide what kind of donor you want, known or unknown. Then you have to decide if you care if your donor has a graduate degree, is working towards one, has been to college at all. Why this matters I have no fucking idea. Then race, which wasn’t so hard, we knew we wanted to have a mixed race baby, preferably with some Latino flair. Then it asks you about RH factor and blood type. Shit, I don’t even know my blood type, much less what an RH factor is. We select ANY for both categories and move down the list. Next you can decide that the donor is a certain height and weight. Easy enough. Weight we leave blank and for height we put in that he has to be at least 5’8″, short dudes are weird. Eye color, hair color, hair type. We put any for all of those categories, no big deal. But, that’s just the initial search.
It comes back and there are more than a dozen that meet the specifications we put in. Again, ugh. At first we thought we were going to have so much fun with this, it’s not like everyone gets to read the complete medical history, education history and personality test results of their baby daddy. It’s not fun. It’s awful. Because now, now we have to go through the dozen plus donors that meet our basic idea of what we might want out of a donor and WHAT IF WE PICK THE WRONG ONE. This isn’t a cheap process. More than that, we’re talking about creating a little tiny human. A HUMAN.
Really. I do. My oven, far as I know, is entirely capable of cooking a bun.
So, I always wanted kids. Always. When I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would tell them I wanted to be a mom. I didn’t ever think about the logistics of that or what my family, exactly, would look like; just like when you ask a six year old what he wants to be and he says, “Optimus Prime”, it doesn’t god damn matter what he will have to do or even what he’ll do when he IS Optimus Prime, that’s what he’s gonna be.
This longing to have children wasn’t just to be someone’s mom. I wanted to carry them, birth them, breastfeed them. As I moved from fantastical child into early adulthood I realized that being single, working in the industry I work in, that pays well, but not over the top, would present a challenge. I was determined, none the less, and around 20 I started looking into lesbian (who doesn’t want to fuck dudes to get pregnant) friendly options. There are numerous sperm banks out there and one relatively close, affordable and easy to work with.