Guest Post: I Won’t Apologize For Being Assaulted
Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault discussed frankly
Today’s guest post comes from the awesome Beth – “a recovering scenster 30something stay at home wife and mom. I listen to the Descendents from the comfort of my suburban home while cooking barefoot and pregnant to Bikini Kills Rebel Girl. I may not have it all figured out but im constsntly searching for a balance.”
According to sexual assault statistics, “One in four college-age women report surviving rape or attempted rape since their fourteenth birthday.” This is a pretty well known fact and probably won’t come to any surprise as I’m sure you, a girlfriend/boyfriend, ex, sibling, parent, child, teacher, babysitter, or neighbor in your life has been a victim. What might surprise you is how sexual assault can really inconvenience other people. No, seriously. I mean, what a total bummer to have to know that a friend of yours was manhandled by someone else – it just makes you feel bad, ya know? Or what a total drag to be friends with that certain someone who has been accused of this, I mean… jeez. Give you a break right? It’s not like they did it to you. You weren’t even there and I could totally be lying.
Wait. What? Let me go back…
I totally bum people out because I happened to have been sexually assaulted by the singer of a band they like. Like REALLY like. I know, I know. I should have tried harder for a band just begging to be rejected and ridiculed so it wouldn’t ruin your iPod rotation but hey, then again, it really wasn’t my choice. But man, what a total inconvenience to poor you to know something bad about a band you love. Just ignore the facts, I mean it WAS a long time ago. It’s not like I can still remember I was wearing cargo camo shorts and a v-neck white Hanes t-shirt… an outfit TOTALLY putting off do-me vibes with my freshly shaved head and not shaved legs and…wait. Hmmm.
Did you know I also make people feel awkward because I will openly post about my assault on Instagram or Facebook wherever I see mention of this band by “friends?” I mean…that must be really uncomfortable for them…me invading their personal space like that. Like the kind of invasion if someone were to pin them against a wall by shoving their hands down their pants from both the front and the back while pressing their entire body weight against 16-year-old, 90 lb. them as they cry and try to fight them off. No, no wait, it’s probably not like that but still. What a buzzkill. I mean, I should just learn to keep my mouth shut. I didn’t press charges so like…what right do I have STILL bringing it up? I’m sure he’s changed and moved on in life. I hear he’s a GREAT guy.
You know, it’s funny because…well, no it’s not. It’s not funny. It’s sad. It’s sad because there was a time in my life when I felt completely comfortable to confront a complete stranger, in person, wearing THIS BAND’s shirt or patch. I would tap them on the shoulder, look them in the eye and say “Hi, my name is Beth and the singer of THAT SHITTY NY PUNK BAND WITH SHITTY LARGE HAIR AND BONDAGE PANTS sexually assaulted me when I was 16. You may have heard rumors of him doing that before but from here on out you can never say you didn’t meet a victim and have the chance to hear their story.” Sometimes they’d want the details, sometimes they even admitted they had heard it about him before. The one amazing thing all of these complete strangers had in common was that they BELIEVED ME. They felt compelled to talk, cry, relate, or brainstorm. Like this was a totally fucked up thing that happened and we were not gonna sit by and take it anymore. In the end, 100% of the people I talked to removed the shirt/ patch/ pin/ etc of the band. One boy even took his shirt off and heaved it into a fire. All really small gestures to you, but to me it felt really empowering to tell my story. To have someone, through actions, say, “Yeah man. I’m on YOUR side.” “You can only be a victim if you admit defeat,” were words I lived by. These random faces gave me strength by standing behind me and… Yes, yes, true, we were younger then. Young, naive, full of energy, and allowances, so much more passionate about rights and wrongs and doing good. Plus, we totally weren’t in the middle of a beer with our friends and you know, I wasn’t “killing the vibe.” Or the shirt wasn’t “vintage,” and patches weren’t reaaally hard to come by. I mean that could totally be from their first tour – that’s worth SOMETHING. Barf.
So, ya know… now it’s been roughly 16 years since I was assaulted and that past will never change. I’m now a wife, a mother, a homeowner, a business owner, and yes still… I’m all of those things PLUS the girl that J___CoolBandLastName assaulted. In the many, many years that have passed, my need to speak about that night has never changed. Where once I traveled to fests far and wide and stood proud in my Bikini Kill shirts and screamed “Here I am, this happened.” I am now just a stay-at-home mom who finds time to look at Instagram between diaper changes and feels the need to leave a comment, “Oh, hey, that guy in that picture took away all sexual desires for 10 years by assaulting me, underage, at a friend’s house. He’s the reason I didn’t have healthy sexual relationships til my mid-20s. Oh and you look great, btw! xoxo bff ttyl. Cute kids! #hashtag #hashtag.” I dont have the time or sitter money to go out and yell anymore, but I still feel my own self-satisfaction because I won’t sit down and I won’t shut up.
In this time where the internet has made opinions widely available to the masses, I still feel like that one comment could reach 1,000 stranger eyes all from the comfort of my couch. While that’s a pretty far stretch of activism from the former life of ACTUALLY meeting people, where things REALLY changed were not my story/approach but the reactions. As we get older and nostalgia sets in, we reminisce about those old bands that got us here. We want to sing along and get sitters for weeknight shows because, dammit, we’re still young! And maybe some of us are still touring and we wouldn’t want to burn any bridges with bands we might get to play with… or maybe we are bar buddies with certain bands at far away fests and ya know.. might need a favor from them one day. Or book them to headline local friends’ fests in RVA because… I mean…they DO still draw a crowd. Yeah, sure, I get it. You’re lazy too. I expect a big reaction from you by only putting out a tiny tidbit of absolutely torturous information about my vulnerability and underage sexual experiences. But no, no, no. You’re right. Maybe if I marched in a parade, you’d at least “like” my photo but asking you to confront a friend or possibly not put other women in danger by bringing him around or NOT BUYING HIM BEERS AS IF HIS PRESENCE IN THIS TOWN WARRANTS CELEBRATION. I…ugh. I’m tired too. Maybe we’re just too old to give a shit anymore. If only there were a way to repost meaningless online articles for masses to see by clicking one button that in turn puts an unheard story out for millions of new eyes to read from the comfort of a computer chair. Then and only then might I get a little support but… wait no, no. It’s still just he said-she said. And really… what if it got back to him? It might make a situation awkward. Awkward like having someone shove the back of your head at their crotch while trying to explain, “It’s just a little 1,2,3 you can do it,” while you put all your strength in your arms to steady your weight and almost bite through your tongue trying to ensure your mouth is locked… Oh no. No, wait….
Well, guess what everyone. Here I sit during nap time, comfortable in bed, laptop open, protesting in my own half-assed way as your friend. Or maybe I WAS your friend before I moved out of the city to start a family. Maybe I was only ever just your bartender, waitress, checkout girl, seamstress, childcare provider, ex-girlfriend, show promoter, charity worker, show goer, or even just the girl in the bar seat next to you. But here’s who else I am: I am the survivor of a sexual assault at the age of 16 by a man more than 10 years older than me. This man cornered me in a room and tried to force me to perform sexual acts on him, stating he would tell everyone in the van I did it anyway so I might as well. When I fled the room, he chased me down the hall, pinning me against a wall and shoving his hands down every orifice he could find while shoving his mouth over mine to prevent my muffled screams and tears from being heard. When I eventually broke free, I locked myself in an abandoned room until friends came to me. I slept in that room only to be disturbed once by a band member who simply knocked on the door and said, “You don’t have to open the door, just listen. You don’t even have to tell me what happened because I already know and I’m really sorry.” And I’m not sorry if YOU CAN’T HANDLE THAT.
When I came out that next morning, 16 years ago, the band was gone, my wallet was stolen, and I was left a shirt by the band as if it were some sort of consolation prize. The irony of the band’s name, and me being a CASUALTY in my own right, was not lost on me. All these years later and every time I write those words, speak them, re-live them, I choke back vomit. I remember how The Singer smelled, tasted, his jagged rotten teeth, his worn leather skin, how the band argued about not cutting their hair because it was their statement, and mostly how utterly fucking helpless I felt. How scared, dirty, ashamed, used, rejected, confused, alone, and ruined I felt. I feel all those emotions when my friends play shows and fests with this man. When they put their arms around him at bars, when they defend him. Hell, I feel all this just because he simply still breathes. Through my travels, I met other girls and heard their stories and know that no justice has ever been served. Not legally, not musically, not even a small road bump in his band or his shitty pathetic life. And now… now I’m at fault for telling my story again I’m sure because man…you already bought those show tickets and they WERE $30.00 and you don’t want that going to waste. Yeah, I get it. I told. I’m the bad guy.
Well, fuck you Jorge. Fuck you and your shitty band. I don’t want to be your victim or storyteller. I want to be the wife of my husband and mother of my son without ever wearing your memory. But I can’t. What I can do is raise a man who respects women and their boundaries, but even then your shitty legacy will live on behind the reasons and examples I lay out for my son. I’m not your victim, asshole. I’m your survivor. And this is my story and if it makes you, friend, uncomfortable, well then at least we share some common feelings for once. Ya know…”I’m so sorry if I’m alienating some of you, your whole fucking culture alienates me.”
MOD NOTE: Thanks for all the support!! We’re happy we could give Beth a space to share her story. We love how quickly this story has spread, and hope it’s making an impact.
That being said, this is a tiny blog run by a group of friends in our spare time. We’re not really equipped to handle all of this activity. I’m trying to monitor and approve comments as they come in, but I have to sleep and work, so some may take awhile. Please please please keep things civil, no threats of violence, that sort of thing, I want to let everyone (except for obvious trolls) say their piece.
And, as we hear from more people on other sites, please keep things cool elsewhere. It’s amazing to hear some of the actions people are taking – from simply sharing this to being inspired to admit their own assault. But, again, please don’t threaten violence or any sort of criminal act. We’re better than that, unlike the abusers and assaulters of this world, we can actually use our minds to make a difference.
Thank you again!!
-The Damn Pants Team
Put Your Damn Pants On! 
Different band, but been there. Nobody gave a shit. No justice was ever served. You’re not alone. Thank you for sharing your story and raising awareness about all aspects involved.
I can’t tell you how many times shit like this happens to sixteen year old girls by people WHO ARE NOT BAND MEMBERS and girls brush the shit off and move on with their lives. I didn’t even remember the times this had happened to me until i read this post. One who happens to be a band member wrecked your whole life, right? Yet you still left the show to hang out with him, still walked into an empty room with him, still posting the shit sixteen years later wanting something to be done. I could write anonymous blogs about how i was groped all day, truth is.. an anonymous post doesn’t mean shit. People jumping on the bandwagon with this post saying “Boycott the Casualties!” Why? because a couple people come forward with a story that may or may not be bullshit? And that’s it? An ANONYMOUS blog is not enough to accuse someone of rape. And It’s not enough to convict them or to convince me.
So just because she left a show to hang out with a guy, then went to a room alone with him, he has total right to have sex with her? Even if she doesn’t want him to?
Right? Last time I checked that wasn’t the definition of consent. She also said in the article she left the room and she chased after her.
dear Kayla Fairchild,
Nobody is denying this happens to people and by people of all walks of life. We exist in societies which are predominantly rape positive in my ways shapes and forms. I’m sure there is plenty of e-literature to be read on the subject as a whole, and if you have something to say on the subject, we as the collective internet completely support you in writing a blog about it, or posting it to any website. A start is a start right? Just because an article doesn’t cover all the bases you want it to, doesn’t merit this response.
I also think you should be aware that as someone who has identified as a mother in their post, drawing unwanted attention to your listed name, or identity is probably not what they are going for. It only takes one asshole with a sick perspective to take it to far. better to be protected than not. right? Also, isn’t anonymity a crucial part of our social and cultural movement towards collective thought?
Also, you are victim blaming, which I understand might be hard to wrap your head around, as many folks who partake in blaming I honestly do not believe are conscious of their resistance to pop the comfort bubble and accept multiple perspectives as both subjectively and objectively true in any number of ways.
Finally, I just want to know how long after the fact is discussing rape or sexual assault appropriate? I wasn’t aware that the healing process, the forwarnings, the discourse, or the community movement created by such discussions had an expiration date. I would venture to say that any time is a good time to take the big step forward, and that even if you don’t believe the recollection and commentary, you take it as what it is, a persons story. Something that will become more apparent in your life is the importance of hindsight and reflection, especially in a time which is characterized by accelerating interconnections.
I hope you gave my ideas credence, regardless of my anonymity, and I sincerely hope you reconsider your stance. Sometimes you have to dig up the past to tear down a problematic future.
If you really think this, you REALLY need to re-evaluate your life AND QUIT VICTIM BLAMING. It doesn’t matter if it’s someone from a band or not, these girls don’t just “brush shit of and move on with their lives”. She was 16 years old! 16 YEARS OLD. THAT SHIT FUCKS YOU UP. Could you imagine this happening to yourself? or maybe your potential DAUGHTER? and then you go and tell her “Oh shh hun it’s okay get over it.” ? You are the part of the problem. Don’t go around spreading your slut shaming hate because you don’t feel that her “16 years later anonymous blog” is somehow not warranted. “May or may not be bullshit” WOW. Just WOW. Please go take a look at yourself in the mirror and think “what if this was me”. Because this happens to tons upon tons of women and your “not enough to convince me” bullshit is fuckin gross.
Cool, nice to know that any ill effects from the sexual assaults that I’ve been through are completely normal and I should just move on. I’m glad that there’s finally someone to explain to me that being alone with someone automatically is grounds for having no control over what happens to my own body. Oh wait, that’s just the rape culture talking. She didn’t ask for it by being alone with him, she shouldn’t just magically be healed because it happens all the time, and while some people are able to carry on, others you see as doing so are breaking down inside. The strength it takes to come forward, even anonymously, is astounding.
You are obviously not familiar with basic psychology. Rape is very underreported because of ignorant attitudes like yours.
The ignorance feeds the contempt that makes you look pretty bad.
Do you know the band, personally? Is that how you know this isn’t a true story?
wow
you need to stop
did you know that one in six adult women is a rape victim?
did you know that one of every four college aged women will be raped by the time they graduate?
Did you know that Victims of sexual assault are:
3 times more likely to suffer from depression,
6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder,
13 times more likely to abuse alcohol,
26 times more likely to abuse drugs,
and 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide than the average person?
did you know that only 40% of victims report their assault?
did you know that 82% of victims report that their assault permanently affects them and stays with them for the rest of their lives?
did you know that 35% of men reported that they would commit rape if they knew they could get away with it?
DID YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT 95% OF RAPISTS NEVER GO TO JAIL?
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE SENTENCE FOR DRUG DEALING IS HEAVIER AND MORE SEVERE THAN THAT OF A RAPE?
whoop-de-fucking-doo, you “got over it”. but there are literally millions out there who DIDN’T. Who CAN’T. Who NEVER WILL. How DARE you judge her.
You’re shitty fucking attitude is the EXACT outlook that tries to JUSTIFY it, and thus allow it to continue to be a problem. YOUR DEFENSE OF THIS LITERALLY ONLY ADDS CONTINUITY TO THE ABUSE OF WOMEN IN SOCIETY.
remember the “40% of victims report their assault” tidbit? That’s partially because of people like you, who dismiss their trauma and basically don’t give a damn. They don’t report it because they’re scared no one will believe them. They don’t report it because they KNOW that a male-dominated society will do whatever it can to blame them. “What were you wearing? How much did you have to drink? What did you do to LEAD HIM ON?” They don’t report it because they’re afraid that it won’t matter to anyone else. Like you, apparently.
How DARE you judge her. She put it out there for the world to see so people would KNOW what he did to her. The justice system won’t touch him, so she did something not only to bring him shame and therefore punish him for his actions, but she did something that could likely protect others from the same fate. How DARE you fucking judge her for putting her pain out for the world to see when literally 60% of victims literally couldn’t tell ANYONE AT ALL? She is brave. Cowards like you defend the perpetrators. Who gives a fuck if it’s an “anonymous blog post”? this anonymous blog post could literally fucking save someone, you piece of shit, so who are you to judge?
Go to Hell, you insensitive bitch. I have no reservations about calling you out on your bullshit, since you apparently “got over it.” You obviously don’t care about making the victim feel like shit. Why should I care about doing the same to you? I literally have no respect for you.
I will never understand how a woman, a VICTIM, could even think for a moment to defend this type of behavior. Okay, fine, maybe you’re okay with it. Maybe you got over it. Who the FUCK are you to tell someone else to do the same? Who the FUCK DO YOU FUCKING THINK YOU ARE TO TELL SOMEONE THAT THEIR EXPERIENCES AND EMOTIONS ARE NOT AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR OWN? THAT THEY SHOULD DO WHAT YOU DID BECAUSE HEY, YOU WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING AND “GOT OVER IT”?!
how about this
get over YOURSELF.
Amen ❤
❤
Thank you, this is what I have also done and I’m getting feedback that by calling someone who forced himself on me knowingly without consent, a rapist, I am somehow “harrassing” him, and police are telling me it’s only appropriate to call someone a rapist if they force sexual intercourse without consent, not just any sexual contact, no matter how violating or sincere. I’m pissed off that women are apparently cultivated to be fucked with in our society and it’s somehow our burden to respect our rapist.
Kayla, Your post makes me extremely sad.
Your whole response is just stock victim blaming. Hanging out with someone, band member or not, does not give that person license to sexually assault you.
Also, I’m very sorry to hear about what happened to you; however, if someone else has reacted differently than you to similar experiences, that does not make your reaction right and their reaction wrong.
So we can keep thinking and acting in ways that clearly don’t work, or we can start focussing on the actions of the assaulters, and on the context in which sexual assault is allowed, excused, and sometimes encouraged.
Wow. It sounds like you have been sexually assaulted so many times that you have become jaded by it. Being bitter, jaded, angry, defensive, depressed, or any other feeling about assault may or may not be healthy, but you feel how you feel. The author feels angry about her assault, and I think she has a right to express that anger. I know my own assaults have left scars, and it sounds like hers did, too. Have yours?
What if those of us who have been affected choose to support each other and protect those who have not had such horrible experiences? Wouldn’t the world be a better place if sexual assault was not the norm? I agree that it’s unjust to punish a person for wrongdoing without proof, but this accusation is certainly evidence in that direction. From the sound of it, there are other women with similar stories about Jorge. Perhaps if there is not enough convincing evidence, the best thing to do is to wait and see if more appears. After all, is there any evidence in the other direction?
Wow. It sounds like you have been assaulted so many times that you’ve become jaded by it. Being jaded, angry, bitter, defensive, depressed, copacetic etc. about being assaulted may or may not be helpful, but you feel how you feel. The author feels angry about her assault, and I think she has a right to express that anger. I know my own assaults have left scars, and it sounds like hers has, too. Have yours? Wouldn’t it be better if people with these horrible experiences could support each other and protect others from having to be sexually violated? Wouldn’t it be better if sexual assault wasn’t an issue at all, and people knew that violating others in that way would be frowned upon, to say the least?
I agree that people should not be punished, even shunned, without ample evidence, but this testimony is some level of evidence, is it not? Also, from the sound of it, the author isn’t the only one with a story like this about Jorge. If there is not enough evidence to be convincing, wouldn’t it be better to wait and see if more comes in? After all, is there any evidence the other way?
You’re life and perspective make me feel really bad for you.
so, you carry on by being a victim blamer? keep it classy.
fuck you, as far as i can tell you are a rapist sympathizer and that sucks.
Um, where does it state that she left the show to hang out with him? And you think it’s ok for someone to chase someone else and RAPE them? Boy, you are screwed up.
You think girls should just “brush it off”?
You are clearly trash yourself.
THANK YOU!!!!!! You said this in a manner that I could not think up.
No one can ever understand the feeling of betrayal when, as a devoted fan you are paid back with assault, and the following slander and ostracization unless they go thru it. For a long time you are in denial and you don’t want justice as much as you want to turn back the clock and have everything go back to the way it was before your naivety made you a victim.
I was a huge fan of a band in a different genre, Stoner Rock, but the results were the same. At first I wanted to just let it go and pretend it never happened, but the moment it happened, I became a liability to the band. I was known as a fan on their message board and was friends with many other fans and bands that opened for them. The treatment that I got following the incident was actually much more traumatic to me. I was banned, slandered, lied about and word was spread to everyone that they should avoid me or else they would suffer the same fate. Many , many supposed friends just turned their back. I have spent years recovering from PTSD, coming to terms with the fact that no friend can ever be really trusted to believe you. My number one protest was, “But you know me”
The sad fact is, no one wants to hear bad things about the band they love and they WILL shoot the messenger. I cry as I write this, hugs to you.
I am sorry you had to go through this! Maybe all of the positive reactions to this post can be a support to you too!
Thank you for sharing your story. I was assaulted about 6 years ago by someone I considered a friend, yet I have been terrified of telling anyone because I don’t want to “rock the boat”, so to speak. I was (and still am) afraid to tell anyone what happened for fear that they won’t believe me, or worse yet, that they will believe me but try to undermine the whole thing. The only reason my boyfriend even knows is because I had to disclose that that piece of shit gave me an STD whilst having his way with me. I can say with certainty that unless you have been assaulted yourself, you have NO idea how crippling and humiliating it truly is.
Kudos for carrying on with your life and starting your family. You are not alone. Let’s pick up the pieces and march on like the TRUE punk rockers we really are.
Thank you for sharing. WE believe you. -E
i have actually kicked that fuckers teeth in once b/c he was trying to drug and rape my friend and i caught on to him put her in bed and fought that fool all the way into the street where my friends and i stomped multiple mudholes in his ass we are talking about jorge from the casualties right?
I believe this woman, but this blog rubs me the wrong way. it is worded in a way that makes it seem that anyone who doesn’t know about rumors regarding Jorge Herrera or the accounts of actual people assaulted by him are horrible people for simply not knowing about such instances. Not to mention, not everyone wearing a Casualties shirt or patch is an assaulter sympathizer and while there is absolutely nothing wrong about vocalizing what happened to you and has sadly happened to countless other individuals at the hands of not just him, but musicians in other punk bands as well and calling out those who know of these instances but do not speak out against them; I feel this article spent far too much time going after everyone BUT Jorge Herrera and perhaps could have been a bit more informative in a positive manner for anyone who also went through the trauma that you did. That being said as someone who has been assaulted myself, I send you my deepest regards. It’s a shame that at punk shows this happens. People often turn to shows for an escape, not to be traumatically involuntarily treaded on
Cee,
You say that this article spends too much time going after everyone but the rapist but I think the attention given by the author is spot on. Our whole culture which allows rape to continue is exactly what she is trying to attack. Her rape is just one of many similar and different stories which continue to happen because of the way our society talks about and deals with rape. Her story is very personal and she gets to tell it exactly how she wants to.
Someone else said that accusing someone of rape anonymously isn’t good enough and that just blows my mind. False rape reports are extremely rare. People who worry about false rape as an issue really don’t get how widespread of a problem this is in our society. Their worries about victim credibility are a further symptom of just how fucked up our culture treats and talks about issues surrounding rape.
No I think Cee is right. While this is a sad story to hear about the whole way its written basically treats the reader like they’re an asshole who sympathizes with sexual assault. It’s way too defensive and assuming.
This article reached me all the way over in New Zealand.
There are pricks in EVERY walk of life! This could apply to any type of music, sport, movies, McDonalds, Car Dealerships……. There’s always one……..
This story is true. Every word. Beth and I may not be in communication currently, but when we were 16 we barely went an hour without speaking to each other. I was the person she called in the morning to describe every terrifying detail of this story.
Fuck anyone who doesn’t believe a survivor of assault.
Sorry, you don’t deserve a pat on the back. You had a friend confide in you about a very traumatic experience, yet didn’t assist her in getting the frontman punished for his crime? These aren’t law protected entitled rock stars. We’re talking about a middle aged punk rocker with jacked teeth and a job outside of his band. Many victims of assault and rape feel so guilted and self hating afterwords which is why many of them don’t get reported, and you had the ability to really help her, but didn’t and are now going around belittling everyone who wants the full story? Shame on you.
It’s not really her right or duty to report it. It is solely up to the individual involved to do so. After I was raped, I called my friend immediately afterwards and she came right over and encouraged me to talk to the police. HOWEVER, she made it very clear that it was my choice whether or not i should report it. Ultimately I did, although I ended up dropping the case due to wanting to move on and not have to run myself ragged through the court system. But, again, it was my choice alone, and even if i had not gone to the police, my friend would have supported me anyway. Nicole did exactly what any good friend would do: she supported her friend through an extremely difficult time.
And for pete’s sake SHE WAS SIXTEEN. How in the world was she supposed to know what to do at the time? Shame on you for your attitude. Must be nice to sit behind an anonymous name and judge others for their actions.
in the united states, only 2% of rapes lead to even one day of jail time for the rapist. TWO PERCENT. coping with an assault and facing the daunting hell of reporting it, going through physical examination, retelling the story over and over to strangers, is sometimes too much. it’s no one’s place to shame the person the survivor confided in for not pushing them to do something (a) they don’t want to do and (b) realists unfortunately know is usually fruitless. don’t point fingers at one of the few people who helped her through it.
I agree.
Wow, what a bitch for respecting her friends wishes to keep something she felt negatively about private.
Not everyone needs “saving”, and they will tell their stories when they are comfortable and ready.
Pushing an already traumatized and ashamed person into a situation that is only going to amplify it is not necessarily the solution for everyone, and it is no where close to YOUR place to decide what was best for her.
Holy shit, fuck you. Jesus christ.
Because cops have a history of being soooo incredibly helpful to survivors of sexual assault and rape. Much of the time it is easier to deal with it by support of friends, and if one is lucky, family and professionals.
Things are shitty and confusing enough when someone is assaulted as an adult (money and time off of work, reputation at work or in the community, etc etc), but when assaulted as a teen (I was assaulted at 15 by a boyfriend) things become a million times more confusing and frightening. You have no legal standings on your own and now must involve parents/guardians who also may be just as supportive (or even far less) as the police.
If it was or is true then you should have done something when it happen so ya’ll would have got evidence prove the rape happen. Not wait So long to come out with your story…..Personally I won’t wait more ten minutes much less more than 10 years. Rape is nothing to joke about but not to bring someone to justice is wrong thing to do. And wait so long, You were just enabling him to attempt more assaults. Another wrong. But some of the post that’s on facebook sure looks like she’s a hater, Just like you, could be from being assaulted…………or could just be a personal agenda which I’ve seen her post about it’s her agenda. If you wait till you can’t do any thing about it as far as prosecuting the person responsible for such and act. Your just as bad and not much of a friend, your to blame for any future attacks after that because you did not report the attack. I sure can’t condone the way ya’ll or going about it either. Buck up and get the ball rolling in the right direction not making rude comments will not help just make you look like a hater not someone trying to right a wrong……which if the story’s true your facilitated more assault’s according to some of the post. Shame on you. it’s really hard hard to believe post on the Internet. Funny how she never mention’s you either.
Have you ever been sexually assaulted, Chris? Sounds like a no. Also, you really should’ve read Haydn’s post above before you made an ass out of yourself with a comment like this. Way to victim blame, prick.
paraphrasing… “I wouldn’t wait ten years or even 10 minutes”…. how enlightened of you. I’m guessing you’ve never been the victim of anything more horrifying than being cut off in traffic or daddy buying you the wrong color convertible…. especially at the age of 16 when you’re not sure of any decision you make under normal circumstances…
And at any time of reporting the ASSAULT, she would face the same judgemental attitudes she’s facing from you today. Of course you could have handled that at 16, though… after being brutalized, no less.
Once attitudes like yours change, maybe young women will feel as though they can report a rape and be taken seriously.
Chris, have you ever reported a rape? I have. As of right now, I don’t even think it’s worth it. When I was 21 I woke up and didn’t know where I was or who I was lying next to. I didn’t remember anything that happened that night but it was obvious we’d had sex. The investigators on my case blamed me and said I’d had too much to drink. I had blacked out for 13hrs. They verbally abused me to two hours and made me feel like shit just ‘trying to get information out of me’. When I emailed them for a followup on my case, they said it had been dropped because of lack of evidence. All of that self-hating and blaming I felt after the incident? Made 20x worse by those investigators. I blamed myself for a whole year or two before I realized that I wasn’t blameworthy. I was a young woman who woke up in a strange place next to a strange man and that should not have happened. I’ve drank myself silly and the most i’ve ever blacked out is 2 hrs. I’ve never NEVER gone home with someone I didn’t know while drinking. It’s not characteristic of me to do any of the things the investigators were accusing me of. Those guys are ASSHOLES and I recommend not reporting a rape unless you have SOLID EVIDENCE…. like his semen still in your vagina and his skin under your fingernails. If you’re drug raped, make sure the drug is still in your system and make sure you didn’t take it willingly and/or knowingly. Otherwise you will just be further embarrassed and traumatized and for no reason. Only 2% of rapists are in jail… because it is really hard to PROVE rape. Don’t you ever judge a woman for not reporting. You don’t know. You haven’t been there.
You’re absolutely not alone in this. Jorge was known for doing thia shit. I thank Meggers for stepping in and getting Jorge to leave my friend and I alone while we were only 14…
We have to do better as men to understand the position we often put women in- it’s to satisfy a part of our ego and one step back to think
About what we reall want- it is easy to see we are weaklings preying on the weaker. Women have their own obstacles in sexual power and identity to deal with as well of course. Punk is not a fuckin meat market we are brothers and sisters.
You aren’t alone and we have got to keep the shit open to destroy the stigma.
Thanks for sharing
I’m in my mid 30s and grew up in the NYC punk scene and am STILL actively involved…people here, in his home city, have known about this guy’s shitty behaviors for a very long time. It’s not a “one sided story” when there are dozens of UNDERAGE girls who share the same side. I get it, people lie. I get it, we come from such a rape culture infused society that we can’t imagine that the same dude who penned ‘Punk Rock Love’ could possibly have done something so fucked up as to traumatize a KID… well, I believe Beth and the MANY other GIRLS who have been saying this forever. I’m sorry it happened to you. I hope you find strength in your family.
Everyone knew this was happening in his own hometown and no one said a thing in over 20 years of their existence. You’re just as bad as the perpetrator.
Yeah, I am a bit baffled and infuriated at all of these people coming out of the woodwork on here, facebook tumblr and other sites, who knew or witnessed such behavior of this man for over two decades who have not done anything about it, which is sad considering it is the punk scene and most of these bands have the motto to look out for one another, promote non-violence, and unity. There is a way to respect a victims privacy while still bringing action against what this person has done to their friends and colleagues. This man seems to have always been a predator of sorts(particularly in the NJ/NY area), yet in the 20+ year history of this band no one has ever had the courage to stand up for the victim who has been left voiceless? The sad thing is this isn’t just a thing with this band, or that subgenre within the punk scene.
Beth, I believe you and I’m sorry it happened to you. I remember when I was 15 my friend and I used to always go to Trash & Vaudeville and see him there. He would always hit on us and be very pushy and creepy and aggressive. And for the record, I think his band sucks… they will never sound like the great original punk bands they want to imitate.
I also have experienced Jorge. I was thrown against a wall and he tried to force himself upon me. I was 16. (15 years ago) I am lucky because I had a group of friends with me.
As soon as I read this post, a flood of memories of that day hit me.
I don’t care what the other commenters say, Beth I totally believe you and support you. He’s a disgusting piece of work.
her parents let their 16 year old daughter go to a band party??? Insane. That’s a horrible story. Never should have happened.
From reading some of the other comments , it sounds like this guy is a serial rapist, so obviously the more people know about his reputation the safer other people might be by avoiding misplacing their trust in him or going to his parties. It’s great that people are talking about it, so the devastatingly unfortunate experience can be used to benefit others and protect them.
If a band did something like that to a friend of mine, I’m pretty sure I’d not listen to them anymore. That being said though, I think basically telling someone “you can’t like this band anymore because of what happened to me” (which is basically what not letting your friends forget what happened to you over a period of 10 years whenever they express interest in the band is truly saying) is really unfortunate. I think there is a big difference between sharing your story with new people, and drilling your “friends” with it over 10 years who obviously already know the story. Sharing one’s story with new people and making sure everyone knows what a dangerous person this guy is is totally cool. Trying to control the people around because you feel betrayed when they chose to still be consumers of the band isn’t. Just stop being their friend. Justifying badgering her friends because her attacker took away her autonomy so they shouldn’t get a choice about whether she tells them about it again or not, is not a solid foundation for a friendship. It’s disrespectful. They know they story – it was her right to tell them. They’ve made their choice. That’s it. You don’t get to keep harassing someone because they chose to keep supporting the band. If their choice to support the band, which is comprised of more than this one individually, and is bigger than just him, is that offensive, just dump them (the choice I would make if my friends knew what happened to me and their position on the band was unaltered). Harassing people with a story they already know is not empowerment or speaking out – it’s being hurt and angry that they made a choice you didn’t like and needling them about it.
Again, glad she’s sharing her story with new people/ a wider audience. I hope she is able to finally find true peace and all her wounds are healed, and I hope her story is able to protect others from this douche bag.
anyone can post anything on the internet anonimously. because a story is on the internet, it doesn’t make it true. this is her words against his, as far as i’m concerned. she seems to be comfortable in telling the internet, the world and anyone who will listen her story.. wouldn’t she be more than comfortable sharing it with the authorities then as well? she never goes into detail about why nothing was done about it and why it wasn’t reported. I feel for any rape victim, but when it’s one persons account of something on the internet with no solid evidence then the story just seems made up and fake.
gee, maybe she doesn’t want to go to the authorities because she’d be spoken to even worse than she is now. by remaining anonymous on the internet, at least she can still share her story, her truth, and not have to deal with the backlash.
you say you feel for any rape victim; almost all rapes are one person’s account of something. and there would be no solid evidence years after. how is her first-person account of the sexual assault not solid evidence? #victimblaming #victimshaming
Seriously? So just because anyone cries rape the man is automatically guilty? I am sorry if I am being insensitive, but there are chicks in the world who do insane shit, like cry rape, or pretend to get pregnant, or a number of things. Trust me, I have met many. I think one blog scandal article should not be a death sentence. Give the dude a chance to answer for one thing, and maybe sit your ass down and wait for some god damn proof ooor more stories to back this one up.
Not to mention everyone is using the word rape when talking about this article.
The definition of rape is to take something forcibly, which I guess did happen.
But from what I read in the article, there was no penetration.
So by legal standings, this is a sexual assault, not a rape so you guys should probably calm down with calling someone who could possibly be innocent a rapist.
That is a little intense.
Honestly reading most of these comments scare me and have me beyongconcerned for my future children and nieces and nephews.
Rape is a topic that is hardly ever taught or really taken seriously. And honestly its very crushing on the human soul of those who are victims. Its sad that when a victim is strong enough to be outspoken on being raped and sexually assaulted she/he gets judged brutally and humiliated. And it’s fucked up that rape culture is even encouraged with people saying “at least feel flattered that someone wants to fuck you.”
It’s the scariest response I’ve heard, whether it’s a celebrity or a normal person. Its never okay and should be taken seriously. Or else you’re encouraging rape and for yourself, and children to get a greater chance on getting raped.
Beth, I completely believe you. I know exactly what it’s like. I’m sorry you had to go through it.
fuck bad comments, fuck people who don’t believe it. don’t let it get to you. you’re so brave.
and also, i wouldn’t call people who tour with him or play with him as “friends”. anyone who goes to see this shitty band should be slapped and kicked out for their own good.
I hope no one minds, but I posted this on The casualties Facebook page. This story needs to be heard, by him, and his fans
Historical sexual assaults by famous people can sometimes come to justice without being reported at the time.
Anyone who was involved in one of these cases should bring their story to the authorities now and as a group they may have enough testimony to bring it to court. Just look at the results in the UK of the abuse of power by BBC presenters to facilitate sexual abuse of minors over past decades- it came to be a huge scandal and many people have been prosecuted for their past wrong doings.
lets stop this scumbag from hurting anyone else.
I am unable to express how grateful I am that I read this. This story is also my story. I will be 32 next week. It took me three years to say the word rape. For the record, it was a different guy, different band… But thank you for saying what I still can’t.
Everyone who has insulted, lashed back or accused this person of lying, exaggerating, etc. please remember this:
You are 100% apart of the problem
You cut into their skin every single day that your support isn’t given.
The victim is never the problem
and above all else:
You’re letting this happen.
You’re support and ability to hear a story or perceptive that is not of your own if the route to things like this not happening so often, and hopefully never again.
Think about it this way:
If you think something is exaggerated; why don’t you think about how fucked up terrifying that would be for you? OF COURSE it’s going to be a very intense and descriptive memory – BECAUSE IT IS AN INTENSE AND DESCRIPTIVE, DETAILED, EVERY-SECOND-OF-THAT-MOMENT, LIFE-SHATTERING MEMORY.
I threw my record away. But not before scratching every groove so it could never be heard again.
thank you, chelsea. people have to understand how they are part of the problem without realizing it.
I have mixed thoughts on this topic. On the one hand, I think that, if it bothered you that much, you should’ve reported it. However, I’m aware that, as a 16 year old girl, you probably didn’t know how to handle it – however your method of coping – bitching about it 16 years later tells young girls “if this happens to you, don’t do anything, just be bitter for the rest of your life.” Why not advocate for this cause and suggest ways for victims to report these assaults? Just because you didn’t take action doesn’t mean others shouldn’t.
“bothered you that much”, “bitch about it”. This article is about assault, not about her having to pay a parking ticket.
+ she is not advocating staying silent, not at all, she is advocating to be brave and tell your story. Stop making victims accountable for future girls and women get raped, hold the assailant accountable.
I didn’t say she was advocating for staying silent. Nor am I “making the victims accountable”. I’m pointing out that she should advocate awareness and proactive thinking rather than ranting about it after the fact.
I don’t see how her posting this 16 years later gives young girls the idea that it’s not necessary to report it. she has every right to be bitter about it for the rest of her life, she was sexually ASSAULTED. it’s a traumatic event, especially when it’s from someone you look up too, and obviously there was a huge power/dominance issue, he had the upper hand. stop being so ignorant and victim blaming.
Ignorant? Victim blaming? Perhaps you stop being one of the sheep that flock to the “no means no” party and start thinking for yourself. I’m not trying to assert that she shouldn’t be upset and that it wasn’t traumatic. My point is that there is more to it than the assault. It’s not a black and white “he did it, he’s an asshole.” It should be, it could’ve been, but her lack of action muddled it up.
shut the fuck up jlwilson80.
I would really love to know what people expect of a 16 yr old girl after they get sexually assaulted, or any girl for that matter. Like, do you think it’s easy to talk about it when it happens? Do you think you even want to talk about it afterwards? Do you think the police are going to be any help? are you even aware of how hard and scary it is to tell your friends, fearing that they won’t believe you or that they’ll tell you it wasn’t a big deal? or even, that you were asking for it? cause just out of my groups of friends, all of the women have had that experience.
she comes forward and tells her story, and gets a ton of shit comments from people like you who tell her it’s too late to talk about it, and you tell her that she’s “bitching” about it. fuck you. you’re disgusting.
i dont really think that sharing a very traumatic event in her life is on the same level of “bitching”
Beth my heart goes out to you:( , this pain and hurt will never let you have peace within yourself unless you let it. Don’t let this person keep tearing your life apart,He may not be here pysically but still you let him have controll over you and your soul. He is gone on more than likely doesn’t remember: let alone care! You need to concentrate on your husband and family. Forgive yourself and let yourself live! 🙂
As a lady with a number of lady friends who have been victims of sexual assault, I really appreciated this article. Thank you.
“Living in the modern age of smartphones and social media it’s easy for information to be shared and spread without any thought to it’s validity. Anyone that is a fan of The Casualties or who knows us personally can confirm we do not support or condone abuse of any kind. While we fully support free speech and free opinion, unfortunately sometimes people can get careless and wrong information gets spread around. The claims are 100% FALSE and we appreciate all of the support we have received from around the world from our friends and fans. We always have and always will be a band that stands for equality, anti-racism, and unity.” — The Casualties
i was so angry when i saw this was the PR response posted on their Facebook page. it is not a response. it does not address the issue. it is infuriating.
If he personally responds and says “I didn’t do it” will that satisfy anyone? No, of course not. Beth, sorry if this is what happened to you but maybe you shouldn’t have waited 16 years especially if you had no problem openly talking about it with strangers, posting about it on Facebook and Instagram. If this did happen to you then you’ve got to be the most selfish person in the whole story because you knew it could happen to more girls and did nothing. Yeah yeah, I guess I’m the monster because Beth is not the being “the right kind of victim”. Pffft. Hey, I’ve been there too and I reported my assault like a logical thinking person would do and I certainly do not recount my experience to total strangers or all over the comment sections of websites. Sounds more like a victim complex.
You all act like the police wouldn’t love to arrest a punk accused of sexual assault. Get real. The cops beat the hell out of punks for no reason at all. Its highly suspect that in the age of anonymous blogging that this is the only story on the entirety of the vast internet about Jorge being a predator. Yeah, okay. Sure, right.
Maybe Beth should prove she even exists. You know how easy it would be for a racist to make up a claim anonymously to ruin him all because he’s a Hispanic male or because they simply didn’t like the band? Strange how a small blog now one has ever even heard of with very little traffic would get first dibs on this story instead of, oh I dunno, PunkNews or DyingScene or any other site about punk music.
Do you know how easy it would be to anonymously write in and claim I was assaulted by him and all of you people would believe me and add that to the “pile of claims”.
And sorry, I don’t believe Nicole Introvert. You knew this happened to a friend but never thought to write about it in a zine or make this widely known before? You’re a horrible friend. Just like all these other people who claim they knew he did stuff like this but never once spoke up about it. What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Anyway, I’m sure this will be deleted by the mod because fuck dissenting option and logic.
Have a nice day.
the person below me, Amy, needs to shut her fucking mouth.
amy doesn’t know shit about police either.
I agree with you amy. If you don’t care enough about yourself to say something at least think of the other victims that this will happen to in the future. When I was raped I was living on the streets alone. I didn’t want to involve the police because I was 15 , and could be taken back to a foster home. But what I did do was tell a fellow punker that saw me at a bus stop. And wouldn’t you know it the ass that raped me walked by. The punker said be safe and followed the guy. Im assuming some street justice took place. And that ass that raped me always thought more about his actions. Punks are my family and you better believe when we hear of someone being raped we take care of it. Its amazing all these people are saying jorge did these things to them yet he hasnt been outed. Because no one spoke up at the appropriate times. True punkers stand up for victims because at some point we were all there. If you “used to be a punk” then you never were at all. I guess thats why you didn’t speak up earlier to protect others
I agree with Amy and Misty. The internet is filled with unreliable sources. Individuals need to learn to think for themselves and analyze issues without being caught on whims, such as an internet blog of an individual that no one knows exists on a unreliable website. If the government wanted to control individuals merely by their emotions, this blog has surely presented which individuals would blindly jump on the bandwagon. Question Everything. Skeptics are the only individuals who are free from manipulation because they think critically.
thank you for sharing your story. it makes me really sad to see all the victim blaming and rape apology in the comments, and what’s REALLY sad is the majority of it is coming from other women. it’s sickening.
The Casualties Facebook page has issued a statement flat out denying it.
Fuck punks that should know better than to go on witch hunts with no evidence to back their claims. Rumors will always remain rumors and those who take them at face value are the reason why the scene, and society, is so divided.
As someone who has been in the middle of vicious rumors and outright lies I can say that I have become very skeptical when I hear someone accuse another of anything and I withhold judgment until evidence of guilt is provided.
The past few days I have seen punks burn, break and toss out their Casualties gear all because they overheard a rumor. Though it could be true there is no reason to assume it is without evidence and those of you that have taken part in the witch hunt should be ashamed as all of you should know better. How many punks and those who share the alternative mindset have been beaten, jailed and killed all because of the witch hunt? The West Memphis Three is a good example of what the witch hunt can do. The death of Brian Deneke and subsequent prohibition of his murderer is a good example of people not caring about the qualities of a human being but rather what they assume about them.
Assumptions and quick judgment are not virtues of the punk mentality. They are the qualities of pigs and vultures. I do not want to take part in a community so easily lead by what they overheard rather than what they can prove. Rumors can destroy someone’s life and there is no clear reason why some people lie when no obvious gain or goal is present. Deceptive people are very skilled in what they do and they often get away with it their entire lives. Some people cannot help but lie. These are all reasons why you should not jump to conclusions and feed into the gossip machine.
We are not a culture that holds the witch hunt in high esteem. We are not a culture that has blind faith in hearsay. As critical thinking people we should have higher standards than the society that has made us outcasts and because of assumptions about punks or how we look. Are we a culture that values truth, integrity and compassion or are we a culture that pretends to value those things when in reality we are just like the rest of this blind society?
Last thing I will say on this subject is that I don’t know if Jorge from The Casualties is guilty of sexual assault and neither do you. No one knows and the only person to come out has been anonymous and I think we all know how that goes on the internet. But what we do know is that some of you are easily lead in the absence of evidence. If he’s guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, then fucking hang him. But as previously stated, rumors will always remain rumors and those who take them at face value are the reason why the scene, and society, is so divided. Call me a rape apologist all you want. Absence of evidence is not evidence of guilt and never will be in society whose reality is based only on what you can prove, not what you believe to be true.
Flex your head.
You’re a rape apologist.
multiple people have come forward to tell that they have been sexually assaulted, and apparently that isn’t enough evidence for you. Gee, I WONDER why people are always hesitant to report it when it happens or to tell others about it, MAYBE B/C WHEN THEY DO NOBODY FUCKING BELIEVES THEM YOU DUMBFUCK.
congratufuckinglations, you are the reason why rumors stay rumors and nobody decides to speak up. I hope you feel so proud of yourself.
Did you ever stop to think that the reason people are so willing to believe her story lies in Jorge’s own presentation of himself? I have never, in my life, heard a positive story about him and I’ve been around the punk scene a good half of his entire career. I know people who saw him draw a knife on someone in San Antonio, ndoesn’t exactly take a leap of faith to consider him capable of this, especially since I have heard on more than one occasion that he’s a total creep. That’s the thing about so-called rumors, when multiple accounts depict the same kind of behavior on multiple occasions, they stop being rumors and start looking hella credible.
Right. If so many people are saying the same things it is most likely true. So someone shoild take the step to report him. Other victims may come forward and justice can possibly be served and this can be prevented from happening to anyone else. Even if the charges don’t stick at least there will be an official record of this, which people take more seriously than a blog. Just a thought…
Fully agree DCM
Sadly, the reaction from some here is why victims don’t come forward, or take years to be able to. Every day we have to deal with people who feel the crime perpetrated on us must have been in some way provoked by us. And every time we have to mentally suffer through the ordeal over again, constantly berating ourselves for being guilty of being there, being too cute, dressing too nice, “asking for it”. It is “bully culture”. We should just take it and learn our lesson because it’s OUR FAULT it happened.
It has been 5 years for me. I doubt I will ever have the guts to tell my story openly,(name names) I talk to my therapist, and I’ve talked to a lawyer. I have concluded I would not be able to handle what is happening here to this author. My lawyer was blunt, I would have to undergo being called and portrayed as whatever the defense needed. Being tried for being the victim. It hurts enough to have gone through it. But being vilified for speaking up about being assaulted and raped would just magnify that pain. I’m not that brave and I am not that strong.
The person who attacked me told me, “I tell everyone about you and your lies and we laugh about how delusional you are” It’s the perfect defense, tear down the victim before they even say a word. And many of us are so traumatized, we can’t talk about it. It took 2 years for the doctor to get me to vocalize it.
Think of the victims of Priests, the Penn State coach, the women Bill Clinton womanized, the San Diego mayor. One victim is alone and has only their story. Alone they are vilified by the starry eyed fans and PR experts. But then more come forward, emboldened by the bravery of the first person who was finally able to heal enough to speak, the flood gates open, the supposed innocence of the attacker becomes more unlikely. Yet still, there are those who are pissed at the person who brought their hero down, they will always deny. And the victim has to live their life defined as “the person who…….”
I know the strength it took for you to finally be able to speak up. I understand the anger and frustrations you feel towards the people in your life who trivialized your suffering. Those of you who haven’t experienced this first hand, have no idea what each of us goes through, because every person and situation is unique.
I hope the floodgates open for you, Beth and you get to see karma in action. And thank you for sharing and giving me this cathartic outlet.
I read on more than one occasion about this guy being a sleazy fuck in Profane Existence, everyone seemed to laugh it off then. Fuck this band….novelty comic punk band for dumb idiots and kids anyway
I am a rape and abuse survivor and I can tell you from being that girl who tried to “brush shit off and move on” that it is never that simple. I started being abused to my memory when I was 8 years old and it continued til I was nearly 15. I tried to tell my mother but she said I must have been mistaken. I found out when I got older that my mother was a rape victim as a child and couldn’t handle thinking it was happening to me, so she pretended it wasn’t. In my late teens my siblings and I became wards of the state and I started coming to grips with my fears. To this day, at 26 years old, I still have ptsd. I fear social situations and have problems trusting. It is something that happens far to often in this country and “just moving on” isn’t going to help. Speaking about it, accepting it and using it as fuel to help you become stronger all start when you can accept that it was not your fault and it is never ok. Being angry at another person for posting about their own experience just shows that you have a lot of growing up to do. Just because you aren’t able to talk about it yet and cant accept that to some degree, it has effected you just means you either deal with things differently or still cant deal with it at all. In either case, don’t get angry at someone who deals with it by sharing. If you cant handle it, then don’t read things that depict another persons rape.
I have been the victim of a sexual assault and I reported it ton the police right away, I didn’t wait ten years to start talking about it! Sounds just a little quirky, if I really wanted to have something done about him, I reallynhoneslty would have said something when it happened! Its not that I don’t believe you, but you still should have said something right away instead of 20 years later and have to agree with others that this site seems a little OFF!
How is this shit even disputable. It’s been known for years that this dude is a fucking pervert. I heard about it at least 10 years ago. When NUMEROUS people say that someone has assaulted them over the span of OVER A FUCKING DECADE, do you really need to catch him in the act to believe it?
EXACTLY. I think the people who’ve come to his defence are either trying to play good politics with the Casualties (they may have a band of their own), or don’t know Jorge in a personal capacity, or do know him but choose to turn a blind eye, or just have some weird need to kiss his ass. His reputation has been around for years, I have seen it first hand and so have a number of my female friends back when we were teens
The writer fails to appreciate the undeniable notion that for every and any topic, there is a time and a place for it. At the same time, there are times and places NOT for a topic. Sexual assault is a real and serious issue, and if she’s making her friends feel awkward because of “openly posting about my assault on Instagram or Facebook wherever I see mention of this band”, she’s not only choosing an improper time to bring up the issue, and being a horrible friend to boot.
The fact that she’s so unrepentant about about it leads me me to feel that the motivation for doing so isn’t awareness of the issue or the sharing of her specific story, but of a more base motivation: self-attention.
It should be said that I feel this article needed a Trigger Warning for Trigger Warnings.
I believe Beth. I remember hearing of this incident, and others, back when it happened. No one carries on about being assaulted for 16 years for the hell of it. Makes no sense for her to lie at this point I’m time.
ANYHOW… I know first hand what scum Jorge is. Back in the late 90s, when I was about 16, Jorge put his nasty hands on me and fondled me. This was completely unprovoked, unsolicited, I was simply minding my own business at a show with friends at the now defunct Coney island high, nyc. He must have been 35 then. I have at least 3 other friends who were also pubescent at the time similar experiences, which even involved him violating/manhandling them way worse than what he did to me. He’s disgusting and would suggest to any girl who’s had skin to skin contact with this derelict to hose down with strong bleach. He definitely had a bad reputation for being inappropriate (to put it mildly) towards young girls back then and it wouldn’t shock me if he still does, considering he was in his mid 30s in the 90s and you just can’t teach an old dog (Jorge) new tricks (respect for females; groping teens half your age is wrong; better dental hygiene; statutory rape will get you prosecuted; deodorant is your friend, etc)
Im shocked. This is the first time ive heard this about jorge. Wow. Ive been raped and sexually assaulted multiple times over the last 6years. I never reported any of it because i was 18 when it first happened and the last time i was 22. It was humiliating and ruined my life. It has affected every relationship ive had. I suffer with depression and am on meds no as a result. I have bad social anxiety and take regular panic attacks when im out alone around men i dont know. I dont think all men are predators obviously . Im just scarred from the past. I have serious issues with trust and my body now. I feel like damaged goods and hate myself so much that i cant even look at myself. I wish i had been stronger to report the guys who ruined my life but i was so humiliated and tried to take my own life multiple times because i couldnt live with the same. I get why women dont report it. The fear or being critisized or not believed. The embarassment. Being blamed for ur clothes or ur alcohol intake. Its bullshit.
Im so disappointed to hear what a sicko he is. At least beths story has helped others feel able to come forward. Hopefully something is done about him. No one should get way with rapes and sexual assault.
I have no doubts about what this author writes. The tensions in this discussion are classic. Mostly men who are rapists or who have been sexually aggressive and do not wish to look into themselves or change will find reasons to be defensive. That is equally the case I believe for the women who love (or who try to love) these kinds of men. I wish that when confronted by our accounts, that the men and women who feel defensive would look into themselves. I wish that you (the aggressive) would reflect, turn your lives around and join us in confronting the abuse, violence and pain, the cultural and social detention and imprisonment that afflicts women. I do not believe that the sexually aggressive are benefiting either; no one should have to live a life tiptoeing around their own guilt. Let us together stop fearing change and begin to break the cycle of violence.
I too am a musician who tours. Even more poignantly than in other social sectors, music is a breeding ground for gender violence. The unconditional love of mass audiences cannot teach empathy to celebrities. Rather it teaches unconditional love and entitlement. It creates a context especially for men (because women – even famous ones – are still subject to being evaluated in ways that men are not) that makes them callous, above the law, entitled, violent, abusive dangerous.
For this discussion, I would like to add that if you do not get a rape kit within 24 hours, the police and DA will not pursue a charge even when they absolutely believe the witness. They do not have a budget for cases where evidence might be insufficient of the qualifier “beyond a shadow of a doubt.” I also looked at civil suits. I have enough evidence to support the tort of Intentional Infliction of Emotional Damage (IIED), but lawyers will not pursue such a case on contingency because the rewards for these cases are not high enough to make it worth their while.
I’m writing here and on my own blog because it is my greatest wish that we work together, teach each other and learn from each other, to stop the habits and practices of oppression and violence. Those who believe rape does not exist, or only exists in a narrow definition: you are frightened and in denial. Please try to find new ways of looking so that you can help those like you to see the truth.
Also to the aggressive I need to say: Your criticisms are misplaced here. They only serve to re-traumatize the author, and all of us reading who have been raped here. The fact that you are willing to misuse your rational and critical abilities to do emotional violence suggests that you fear looking in the mirror. That said, many feel guilty and terrified in the presence of the idea of rape. It calls all of us onto the mat. It asks us to look at ourselves and our relationships to others; it asks us to ask ourselves where, when, if we have ever taken an other person’s will away. Let us all accept these questions as a lifelong practice!
My celebrity boyfriend of 2011 came back from tour and raped me on the night of my father’s funeral. From *what* he chose to do (the particular acts), it seems clear that he had not only objectified and reconstructed me against my will as submissive to his bandmates on the tour bus, but he had collected my fears, dislikes and anxieties in order to purposely traumatize me when I was in an intense state of grief. My story is here: http://www.earthlybombs.net/
Hi, I’m from Brazil and just read your story… I’ve never really cared about Casualties but I know lots of people who loves them, have their patches and stuff and they have to know about that.
I’m going to spread the word around here! Be sure you have a lot of support here in Brazil as it’s already being spread in the internet, but I’m going to tell your story in my band gigs too, I always see punks with their patches around, hope I get some of them burned.
I am so sad to read all of these demeaning comments… I don’t understand the complete lack of empathy its so awful. I was sexually assaulted as a fifteen year old. I remember telling a few people close to me but no one believed me, not even my own sister. I had no idea what to do I was so ashamed of myself, and I felt like it was my fault. Like if I hadn’t had that beer I would have been OK. When I joined the army I would become a victim for the second time by the Charge of Quarters for my friends barracks. His job was to watch the barracks and keep everyone safe. I had been drinking w my friend for the fourth of July, and we had known him because he was my friends Sgt. Somewhere along the line He drugged and raped me. When he thought I was dying he called the military police and I was taken by my commander to my barracks. I was harassed for hours about my underage drinking which I understand was wrong and I deserved my punishment for that and I took that. But what I couldn’t stand was how hard they were on me for my assault. I was terrified at the time I had no recollection of what had happened but I was bloody and bruised I knew I needed to say something but I was so scared. I took a shower and got in uniform and then told my leadership in my formal meeting I thought I had been assaulted. No offense but they were three men and they came down hard screaming that I was trying to get out of trouble this that and other. I got taken to file I report and I was unable to I broke down and cried I was confused still drugged and unable to believe this could happen again. I left and was harrassed by my leadership for being a liar and weak. About a month later I got a call from a civilian victim advocate. This woman helped me in ways I can’t express. I was afraid of the spotlight and cameras it had sent me into a panic and she got them to use a tape recorder (she had asked me what had made me uncomfortable so that she could make it easier for me). She stayed w me the whole time held my hand walked me through the investigation. It was the only person that helped me. The case failed, there was only partial DNA which wasn’t enough to get him. I had taken a shower so that ruined my case… he admitted to touching me tho so he got in trouble for adultery. That was it. I’m sorry to tell you but it doesn’t matter if your sixteen or sixty the trauma fucking hurts. The fact that I did not have a say about what was done to me kills me everyday. I respect this woman for saying her peace. I wish I was able to be as open with it myself. Peace&Love
Hey, I did a translation to my language, obviously I linked it back here to people check the original post and also gave proper credits to your site.
http://virosetropical.blogspot.com.br/2013/11/nao-vou-me-desculpar-por-ter-sido.html
People need to stop being so judgemental…If you are being judgemental, you are prbably wrong. Beth was assaulted by that prick and if she wanted to write about it, that’s her choice.
Judgemental people are the ones who come to mind when someone is trying to decide whether or not to report someone. In a lot of instances, one chooses to remain silent during these situations. It was probably therapeutic for Beth to write her story. Twenty years ago, I was raped twice by my then husband. I never told a soul, mainly because I was terrified of him, but also because I knew some people would never believe that the great guy they knew would ever be capable of hurting anyone. I made my choice then, but now that I’m no longer afraid of him, I choose not to ever disclose to my friends or family for my own reasons. I can still play snippets of that horrible movie in my mind. I hope I never have to go through something so awful again.
I applaud you for posting this article, Elizabeth. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be to bring all this stuff up all over again and go public like this. You’re a shining example of bravery and fortitude. It does us no good to pretend that this doesn’t happen in the punk community, we’re only a subculture after all, but the first step to getting rid of it is to expose it. No silence! The word is spreading – BOYCOTT THE CASUALTIES!!
I know these guys.Pretty well. I believe you, and I’m sorry you went through that. I hope they do the right thing and get a new singer. that would be inspiring.
I am so glad I had a chance to read this before delving too deep into the Casualties fanbase. Since I believe there is a Casualties show in my area soon, I will be sure to pass this on to anyone who may be going. Hell, I’ll pass it on to people who aren’t going.
My daughter was targeted by a very popular school teacher recently. The community treated us like we were the offender. I want to let you know that I appreciate you coming forward and fuck anyone in the scene that cannot stand up for what is right. Thanks for doing the right thing and feel free to message me anytime, You have my full support.
Thank you for sharing this story after struggling with the memories for so many years.
Not that this is an appropriate reaction, but I would love to beat this man to death.