Motherhood: Just…let go.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret… No mother EVER has “it” (aka: their shit) together. I know this because I am a mother and I try to keep it together, but that’s IMPOSSIBLE. I find it a lot easier to just…let go.

I accept the facts that I am never going to have clean clothes, there is always the possibility of a meltdown from someone (including myself), and I am going to need at least one vice (like beer!) to get through it all.

I thought I was pretty good at keeping things in control before I had kids. I could go out in public with clean clothes, and jewelry, and washed hair and do what I actually set out to do.

Even after I had my daughter, I did pretty well. I could hide the spit up on my shoulder with layers of cardigans and I could try to pretend that I was involved in a real conversation when I was actually just trying to maintain eye contact because I had only gotten three hours of sleep the night before.

But, now that I have two kids, I’ve decided to let go of all of that. I’m pretty sure that I ALWAYS look discheveled. And I know that I am going to have a hard time forming complete sentences and that one of my kids is not going to get what he or she wants right when he/she asks for it. And all of that is okay. I know that, eventually, all of this will get easier. And I will have “it” MORE together.

But, for now, I’m good with letting go.

Inequity Insurance.

The following services are not covered:

Health services and associated expenses for infertility treatments including:

●  In vitro fertilization

●  Artificial insemination

●  Embryo transport; and

●  Donor ovum and semen and related costs including collection, preparation and storage of.

I’m not infertile.  Please see I STILL HAVE A UTERUS for more information about my oven.  Every time I call my insurance company, every time I look at the information from the doctor, every time I go to HR to ask my millions of questions, I want to scream I’M NOT FUCKING INFERTILE.

Infertility primarily refers to the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception.  Infertility may also refer to the state of a woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term. Continue reading →

Feminist Friday: Guilt.0

Being a feminist can be exhausting. Every news story, every new show or movie, every walk down the street is fraught with misogyny and anger. There was a time when I didn’t really pay attention to things. I identified as feminist but was not actively engaged. I could get by with an eye roll and my name on an online petition, then back to whatever young, carefree thoughts I had at that time.

As I’ve gotten older, the shit the world throws at us has become worse, or more constant, or maybe I just have less energy to ignore it. Whatever the reason, I can get tired of awareness. Yelling at the television and ranting about the patriarchy is a full-time occupation and I already have too much to do. So, I’ll purposefully not think about all of the things currently pissing me off. I have little escapes and watch decidedly anti-feminist tv. I’m referring specifically to Tosh.0 on Comedy Central, my guilty pleasure.
Continue reading →

The Autism Chronicles: Welcome to the Monkeyhouse

I’ve struggled with writing this post for over a week for a multitude of reasons. I don’t want to define the boys by their diagnosis; I don’t want to act like an expert; I don’t want to sound whiny; I don’t want to rattle off a list of symptoms like that expresses how our lives are. There’s just no way to do this gracefully in my head, so here’s a clumsy snapshot of the boys.
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Jumping Hoops

It’s endless, it seems, the hoops that we continually have to jump through as a gay couple.  Adding children to that mix it gets even more treacherous.

In some places it’s relatively simple for same sex couples to have kids together.  I’d have a baby, Virginia would adopt the baby.  We’d both share parental rights.

In some places, like the one where we live, this is illegal for same sex couples.  In order for Virginia to go through the second parent adoption process I would have to legally give up my rights to our kids.  Instead we get to draw up a series of documents, that are all at the liberty of some Baptist judge to honor.

A Co-Parenting Agreement.

A Domestic Partnership Agreement.

Hospital Visitation Authorization. Continue reading →

Staying At Home: I Guess I’m Batman In This Situation?

I can’t remember when it started… Maybe last week? It began with a whimper, and has become a full-scale nuclear meltdown. Separation anxiety. What. The. Fuck? My sweet, even-tempered little boy has started channeling Harvey Dent in the last couple of days. Most of the time, he’s fine. We hang out, he laughs, we do stuff, all is right in the world. But then, I take a step out of the room. I go to the bathroom. I LEAVE THE HOUSE. And he’s no longer cutie-patootie Aaron Eckhart being all mild-mannered and trying to woo Maggie Gyllenhaal. He’s that weird half-skull Terminator baby that’s going into business with the Joker. The REVENGE business.  Continue reading →

Thoughts From A Mom Of All Boys…

I have two, beautiful, funny, loving, freaking insane little boys.  They are my whole world. My oldest is just like his father: really laid back, easily made to laugh, a daredevil, and tough as nails.  My youngest is just like me: super cautious, very snuggly, sensitive, and can be very silly.  I can’t put into words how much I LOVE them both with every part of everything that I am.

Living in a house full of boys is….well, it’s crazy.  They are nonstop.  I literally take them out and exercise them just like I do my dog. They are boys.  They need to run. Often, they feel the need to run naked…we try to save that fun for inside the house.  Today my youngest decided to pee a beautiful design onto the carpet in our playroom.  He was very proud to show off his artwork and absolutely devastated to discover that I was not impressed.  Both of my boys are totally obsessed with all things poop, pee, butt, etc and honestly it’s hard not to laugh at all of their antics.  Yet underneath all of this boy weirdness there are these sweet little men who love to wrap their tiny arms around me and tell me that they love me, or exclaim “OH Mommy!! I love youw pwitty, pwitty, pwitty, pwitty dwess!” (Even though I’m just wearing a long t-shirt and sweatpants.)  They like to brush my hair, snuggle on the couch, draw me pictures, play dress-up…I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

My first pregnancy was not easy to conceive and through that experience we learned just how precious and miraculous a baby really is.  People were excited for us when they found out we were having a boy the first time around.  The second time around was a totally different story.  So many people, including family, were disappointed.  Flat out bummed to hear our news.  “Oh. We were hoping for a girl.” Really? So no congratulations on this healthy miracle we created? Thanks.  Before I even gave birth people were asking me when I was going to try for that girl.  The blatant disappointment from others was devastating and we learned a lot from it. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional.  But I will never forget how it made me feel.  Continue reading →

In The Kitchen: Chocolate Chip Cookie/Brownie Bars

In The Kitchen is a sporadic (word of the day!) column featuring what we’re eating and making. Warning: Your ass may get fat. But in an awesome way.

My food therapy

My food therapy

This weekend has been a total shitshow and I don’t want to even try to process it at this time. So, I went to my happy place, Pinterest. I found a pin for Chocolate Chip Cookie Brownies and figured that amount of chocolate would make me feel better.

The recipe is simple – brownies, chocolate chip cookies – but because you’re making two things, it takes a little longer and needs some pre-planning to get everything together on time. Is it worth it? After a day like today, after a weekend like this, after a really hard week? Absolutely.

Recipe can be found here…

Gooooooey, chocolatey comfort

Gooooooey, chocolatey comfort

Your Morning Mix Tape: Songs From Old Lovers

Actual mix cds from dudes who liked me at one point.

Actual mix cds from dudes who liked me at one point.

There is not a whole lot I miss about dating. Really, since I am one of the most awkward people alive, dating was an exercise in torture. However, I loved loved LOVED the part of dating where you made each other mix tapes/mix cds. I often wonder what kids these days do now. Do they make youtube playlists? Did sexting replace the mix tape? Ugh. Anyways. I was the lucky recipient of many a mix tape, most of which I still have because I am kind of a hoarganizer. (hoarder with OCD organizing tendencies) My favorites were the ones that came complete with album artwork and track listings. I would listen to them and try to figure out all of the hidden messages imparted in the chosen songs. I also made a few criminally awesome mix tapes for boys, some of which make me cringe with embarrassment when I think of what I put on them. (Sorry, most guys I ever dated…)

I miss the process of putting songs together, listening to them to make sure that everything tracked together and made sense when played together. I miss the effort and love that went into them. In the spirit of that, I made you guys a mix CD of sorts, in this completely impersonal digital age. I went through all the mixes I recieved in the last 12 or so years and picked out some gems for your listening pleasure. I’m not lying when I say that might have been the most fun thing I’ve done all week. It was like listening to time capsules and I could picture every boy and how I felt and where I was at that particular moment of time. It was a musical scrapbook of failed relationships, but in the best possible way. (It’s way less depressing than it sounds. I swear.) I should point out that my husband never made me a mix tape, and I married him anyways. (AHEM, ROSS….) Continue reading →

Feminist Friday: Pink Jersey Hater

This is one of my favorite times of year.  NFL draft season, NHL and NBA playoff season.  Yes, I am a girl.  Yes, I like LOVE sports.  No, that doesn’t mean I want to look like I’m 21 going “clubbin'” when I go to a game.  No, that doesn’t mean that I want to wear pink or sea foam green or any other color other than my teams ACTUAL colors on game day.  Just because I have a uterus does not mean that I am not capable of sports knowledge and fashion knowledge at the same time.  And I can not be the only woman like this in the world.

I have been a sports fan since I was born.  Really, I had no choice in the matter.  My parents thought I was going to be a boy.  This was before they did ultrasounds on a daily basis, but the doctor told them that he was sure my mom was carrying a boy.  So needless to say when the big day came my parents were more than shocked.  My grandmother had to go to my parents house and redo the nursery while my mom and I were still in the hospital, which still ended up in navy and maroon because there is only so much you can do on short notice.  My uncles had all gotten me shirts from different teams and colleges.  I spent the majority of my early life in team apparel if only because it was bought with the understanding that I was to be a boy.  Man I really screwed things up for them, huh?

My Dad never really let the fact that I am a girl get in the way of taking me to every sporting event under the sun.  I have been to everything, from the four majors (NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL) to every college sport to minor league baseball and hockey, to arena football, to horse races and boat races.  I was a well rounded little sports girl.  He taught me not just about the history of all his favorite sports but how to really know the game.  If that QB’s bad pass was because of his weak throwing arm, awkward throwing motion, or because the guy ran the wrong route. Continue reading →